Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Games can teach us valuable lessons about life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. |
Considerable amount of activities for hobby man usually enjoy consists of games. From group sports like soccer or baseball to the one-on-one competition like chess, people enjoy various games to have fun. However, I strongly believe that there are more things you could get from playing games, as playing games provides you with valuable lessons and instructions, regardless of winning or losing.
첫번째 문장, 앞에 구절이 나온거라면 콤마로 끊어주셔야 하는데 무슨 말인지 저는 좀 이해가 안가서 고쳐드리질 못하겠네요. consists of games? 컨시스트는 ~로 이루어져 있다라는 뜻을 가진 동사입니다. 고쳐주세요.
~as playing games...~ -> ~since playing games...~ 이렇게 바꿔주시는게 부드럽습니다, First of all, you are able to know how to win the competition with other people. A game is basically a system that is designed for one side to win. There are many variables which decide the results of the game and, you could invent or take advantage of conventional strategies and know-hows more fluently to control those variables in favor of yourself, which is necessary for your winning. Through this process, you could develop ways to think creatively and sharpen strategies specifically for certain situations, which you could also use at different environment or situations. For instance, when playing soccer on a field, you should consider numerous aspects, like specific strategy, formations of players, way to communicate better with your members, et cetera. Practicing constantly with each game, you could acquire those important techniques and transform them into general abilities which you could use at various occasions, which demand creative thinking and competent strategies.
~A game~ 이때 어떤 특정한 게임 하나를 일컫는게 아니라면, ~The games are...~로 복수취급을 해주세요.
~and, you...~ 엔드 뒤에 콤마를 안붙여주셔도 됩니다.
~Practicing constantly with each game,~ 무엇을 연습한다는 건가요? 정확히 무엇인지 제대로 언급을 해주세요.
~acquire~ -> ~gain~ 많은 분들이 보다 '나은' 단어를 사용하여 보캡 수준이 높다는 것을 보여주시려고 노력하시는데, 저는 전혀 추천해 드리지 않는 stratagy 입니다. 아는 단어를 충분히 활용하셔서 적당한 '용도'에 맞추어 쓰셔야, 영어를 진정으로 공부하였다고 할 수 있는 것이죠.
~which you could use at various occasions, which demand creative thinking and competent strategies.~ which가 두번이나 들어갔네요, 이게 저걸 꾸미고 저게 저걸꾸미고.. 이렇게 계속 가다 보면 끝이 없겠죠. 차라리 두부분으로 나누어서, 뒤에 which를 it 으로 바꾸시고 3인칭 동사로 demands를 써주시는게 좋습니다. Not only that, you could get the ability to handle given situations well and get the chance to improve. As there are always winning side and losing side in the game, you sometimes experience disappointing defeat, which is usually very hard to accept. However, at the same time this could be great profit for you, because you can realize what the failure is, and begin to hone skills to improve your current situations. To illustrate, I was very poor at chess three years ago, and kept losing the game between my friend. At first this was very hard to accept, but as time went by I came to know how to deal with the failures better, concentrate on complementing my weak points and developing competent skills. As a result, I could outdo my friend.
~this could be great profit for you because you can realize what the failure.... ~ -> ~this could be a great oppertunity for you to realize ....~ better way to write it ^^!
~game between my friend.~ -> ~game that I had between me and my friend~ 좀더 자세하게 있었던 일을 묘사하는 방법이 되겠습니다.
~ I came to know~ -> ~I got to know~
~better, concentrate ~ 중간에 아무것도 없이 다음 동사로 넘어가는게 어딨어요~ ~better, so I can concentrate...~로 해줍시다.
~knowhow~ 우리가 자주 말하는 '노하우'가 이건데, 이건 사실 구어체에요. ~strategy~는 어떨까요? 게임에는 스트레터지가 맞는 표현입니다.
제가 하루를 쉬고 딱 들어왔더니... 허허;
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