- Nowadays, food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live? -
( 이것도 역시 제가 지난번에 쓰고 올린겁니다. 결론 부분은 별로 손댈게 없어서 패러프레이즈 안하고 서론과 본론만 해봤습니다. ethereal 님께서 참 많이 고쳐주셔서 좋은 공부가 되었습니다. 여튼 단락별로 페러프레이즈 한거 올립니다. 제가 첨삭받고자 하는 것도 있지만, 저처럼 독학하시는 분들께 서로 도움이 되고자 공부한 결과물을 올리는거니.. 미약하지만 작은 도움이나마 되었으면 합니다. 오늘도 모두들 화이팅입니다. 이거 올리고 이번주 에세이 정리좀 하고 저도 자러 가야겠네요.ㅎㅎ ) |
As societies are getting more competitive that ever before, people tend to spend less time preparing their meals. Some people might say that microwave food are so beneficial that they can concentrate on other tasks, such as working and dealing with people. Nevertheless, I strongly argue that modern food is disadvantageous because it usually makes people unhealthy. Also, it encourage people to eat only what they want.
To begin with. modern fast food harms physical health. Instant foods, such as hamburger and instant noodle, do not contain enough nutrients to strengthen our body. A recent survey by TIME magazine shows that most of Americans who usually enjoy fast food have chances of getting fat two times more than those who do not. Since this obesity causes serious disease, many Americans are dying of excessive fat in their bodies. As a result, slow food movement is now burgeoning internationally to go against people's preference to unhealthy food. This research and fact clearly shows that recent food's change did not improve people's lives.
-> As a matter of fact, modern fast food damages to people`s physical health. Processed food, such as hamburger and instant noodle, do not contain enough nutrients to support our body. TIME magazine recently conducted a survey, which shows that Americans who usually enjoy fast food are having two times more chances of getting fat than average people. Many Americans are dying of fat-related illness which is resulted from obesity. To prevent further social problem, "slow food movement" is now growing up internationally to warn people`s favor to unhealthy diet. This reseach and the fact clearly shows that changes in modern food did not help people to live better life.
On top of that, today's children incline to eat only their favorite food. Kids can be in danger because today's products encourage them to choose more sweet, tasty, and fatty food, which result in destruction of body balance. When I was young, i was picky at food so that mother was worried about me. At that time, I though I would be fine because I believed modern food could provide various nutrients. After a few months, I was hospitalized and surprised when I heard my doctor's saying, " You are now in malnutrition. You have to take a rest and eat a lot of vegetables if you do not want to go worse. " Judging from personal experience, it is obvious that today's foods usually put people in a serious health problems.
-> What is worse, today`s kids are apt to eat only their prefered food. Children`s body balance can be disrupted if today`s products continuoulsy encourage them to choose more sweet, tasty and fatty food. When I was young, I was too picky at food, making my mother worried. At that time, I thought I would be fine, believing that modern food could provide various nutrients I needed. A few months later, I was hospitalized and found that I was in malnutrition and needed to take a rest. Also, I was required to eat a lot of vegetables if I did not want to make the states go worse. From my experience, it is obvious that today`s food usually causes people to have a serious health problems.
To sum up, I believe that easily made food is not profitable for the following reasons; it has unhealthy aspect and catalytic role of making people eat only what they love. Some people might argue that they can save their time with the advent of convenient food. However, they have to remember the dark side of those products which is ignored by the name of "convenient" and "fast"
( 결론은 ethereal 님께서 첨삭해주신거 이외 페러프레이즈 안함. ) |