It is better to enjoy your money when you earn it or is it better to save your money for some time in the future? |
첨삭해달라고 하셨으니 감히 제마음대로 바꾸어보겟습니다 -,.-
In the "real world," money is very important thing. In this reason, some people who want to be the rich gather their money. While others enjoy their lives by spending their money. Given the choice between two ways, I would choose to enjoy my life rather than save money. My two main reasons are as follows: I can have invaluable memories and experiences through the diverse activities. what is more, enjoying present is wise option because anyone predict about lives of people.
1]Since money is very important these days, some people who want to be rich gather money while others just enjoy their lives.로 첫문단처음부분을 고치는게 의사표현잘되고 문법도 맞는듯. However, in my case it is better for me to enjoy spending money. It is because I can have invaluable memories and experiences through diverse activities. In addition, 이부분은 문법이 이상해서 무슨말인지 못알아듣겟네요 ㅠㅠ
To begin with, experience by investing money plays a pivotal role in providing people with the good memories and motivations. This is largely because money is just one tool of the a lot of means when we live in the world, but experience dominates our lifetimes. The best example of this is my brother. He tended to spend money for his present, so he enjoyed traveling a lot of countries. Among many countries, when he went to Europe, he decided to become a architect when he saw the a fantastic and beautiful buildings. Thanks to the experience, he became a famous architect. In this respect, experience is more valuable thing than saving money.
2] To begin with, I can have good memories and motivations by consuming money as much as I want. It is because money is just one of the means that we use when we live in our world, but experience is something more than that. The best example of this is my brother. He used to spend a lot of money for himself and traveled a lot of countries. During the trips, he went to Europe and decided to become an architect because he was so impressed by the fantastic and beautiful buildings there. Thanks to the experience, he became a famous architect. In this respect, experience is more valuable than saving money to become rich.
In addition, anyone know about out lives, even psychics. When it comes to this fact, saving money may be foolish choice. That is, saving money keep people from investing for one's own lives. For instance, my grandmother always tried to gather money for her emergency. However, she died before any accidents happen. That is, she could not enjoy her life in that she did not travel and buy beautiful clothes and bags what she wanted to buy. If she had not saved money, she would be able to enjoy her life more interestingly. This clearly proves that gathering moeny for emergency is not best option.
3] In addition, we cannot predict our lives. Saving money may be a foolish choice because it can interrupt living a life in the way that a person would like to live. To illustrate, my grandmother had always been saving money for emergencies. However, she died before any accident happened. She could not enjoy her life saving money. She could not buy the beautiful pink dress that she had always wanted to wear, and she could not buy his husband a pair of shoes. If she had not saved money, she could have had enjoyed her life. This clearly proves that gathering money for emergencies is not the best option.;;
As mentioned above, I agree that enjoy my money is better than saving money. There are reasons that experience is extreme meaningful in our lives. Not only that, but there is no people who predict their lives. In these reasons, I wholeheartedly agree the popular saying, " Gather roses while you may."
4]Money is not everything, but a mere part of our lives. In conclusion, it is certainly a better choice to live a life enjoying my money because no one can predict my future, and I can have meaningful memories.
음'' 조금은 낳아진것같네요. 이거보시구 연구하시면서 어떻게하면 더잘쓸까 생각해보세용 뭐 제가 만점받을만큼 잘쓴건아니지만; 최선을 다햇습니다 ㅋㅋ 그리구 웬만하면 아이디어는 3개로;;하세요
문법틀린게 아주 많구요 내용 자체가 vague하네요. 음 궁금하시면 제 개인적인 생각으로 점수도 알려드릴게요. 그럼 공부많이하시구 수고하세요
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