흡연은 공공장소에서 금지 or not |
There is an ongoing debate on whether smoking in public buildings should be banned or not. Some people argue that the policy is nonsense because they feel like they should have freedom of choice. In opposition to this point, I strongly believe that smoking should be prohibited in public offices. The rationale behind this is that the policy would improve public health, save money, and enhance productivity. More than anything else, smokers should not smoke in offices in order to protect the physical health of others. As we all know, second-hand smoking is very harmful to non-smokers because the unfiltered chemicals from smoke can still directly go into nearby people who are breathing the same air. For example, a national study, conducted by Korea Health Organization, shows that second-hand smoke is twice as likely to cause lung cancer than smoking. Actually, thus it is not surprising that many patients in hospitals who have lung cancer are not smokers. These infirmed often claim their husbands, co-workers, and friends who usually smoke around them are responsible for their disease. This example clearly demonstrates that smoking in public places causes others great harm and therefore should not be allowed in public. Next, this new policy would save substantial amounts of money. Scientists discovered that many chemicals in smoke are usually trapped in their surroundings, such as wallpaper and curtains. What is more, these compounded materials are often released later, polluting the air in a building. To illustrate, last year, my company decided to replace all of the curtains and wallpaper in the office. This was because many workers complained that the work space smelled unpleasant in the office, which was attributed to cigarette smoking. The company manager had to spend more than ten thousand dollars replacing the curtains and wallpaper, and finally banned on smoking in the office building. In this respect, it is logical to say that smoking at work raises the costs for a company, and thus should be banned. Finally, introducing a new policy of keeping smokers from lighting up in office buildings would increase productivity. There are chain smokers who constantly smoke, taking as many break times as possible in an attempt to fulfill their desire for smoke. This often causes a company to lose a great amount of efficiency and hence, money. For instance, after the management banned smoking in my office, the whole productivity increased about ten percent. This measure was primarily because heavy smokers took frequent cigarette breaks instead of working. Judging from my personal experience, it is beneficial for a company to forbid smoking in their buildings in order to increase profits and improve their workers’ health. To sum up, I argue that people should not be allowed to smoke in public buildings for the sake of enhancing public health, reducing unnecessary fund, and improving working efficiency. All in all, it is undeniable that there are many economic and social advantages for banning in public spaces. |
이거 퓨처님꺼 제가 유펜 다니는 네이티브 친구한테 보여줬더니 전체적으로 괜찮은데 미국 사람이 아니라 그런지 아메리칸 다운 표현을 안 써서 어색한 점이 있다고 하네요.
tip으로 에세이에서 bring more, totally 같은 표현은 리스크가 크니깐 왠만하면 피하라고 하네요. 퓨처님 전에 쓰신거 하고 한번 비교해 보세요. 저도 얘가 해준 이야기 다 기억은 못해서.... 그냥 얘가 revise 해줬거든요. 한번 보세요 뭐가 틀린지.