■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : Many people value long-lasting relationships. What is the most important way to determine whether friendships between person and another person will last a long-time?
- They always help each other in a crisis and when something goes wrong.
- They have similar interests and similar views in crucial topics.
- They trust each other completely. |
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▶ Your Answer : Undoubtedly, having long-lasting relationships plays a significant role in people’s daily lives in many of the places where they work or play. Some people think that helping each other in a crisis and when something goes wrong or trusting each other completely is the most important way to last a long-time friendship, while others think that having similar interests and similar views in crucial topics is the most important way. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that having similar interests and similar views in crucial topics is the most important way to last a long-time friendship between person and another person. There are several reasons as follows.
To begin with, when people have similar interests and similar perspectives in crucial topics, they can mingle well with people from different backgrounds. It exposes them to different lifestyles, customs and cultures. Such exposure is likely to help them to acknowledge that different values exist, to understand this diversity and to ultimately be comfortable with it. For example, when I was eight years old, I saw one of my classmates from Ethiopia eating his meal with bare hands. I felt very uncomfortable by his behavior because it was my first time seeing someone like that. I kept my distance from him and sometimes made fun of him. However, after I found some similar interests and similar perspectives in crucial topics with him, I got used to his cultural difference. (그 토픽이 어떤 거였는지에 대한 언급이 없습니다.) I realized that we just had different eating styles. In fact, we had a lot in common in a way that we all cared about our family and friends, were committed to relationships, and got easily hurt by what others say. I no longer feel awkward and have been making a strong friendship with him until now.
All things considered, I strongly believe that having similar interests and similar views in crucial topics is the most important way to last a long-time friendships between person and another person. All in all, the importance of alike concerns and alike perspectives in vital topics cannot be overestimated in life. |
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1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. 토플 에세이의 기본적인 구성은 서론 - 본론 1 - 본론 2 - 결론입니다.
그런데 지금 본론 2가 빠져있는 것을 확인하실 수 있습니다.
다른 reason 하나를 더 써주시면 구조상으로 더 보기 좋은 에세이가 될 듯합니다.
3. introduction이 너무 깁니다. 분량 조절을 해주세요.
4. 문장들이 대체적으로 너무 깁니다.
컴마 사용을 지양해주시고 짧고 간결하게 유지해주세요.
5. 템플릿에 대한 의존도가 굉장히 높은 편으로 보여집니다.
본인의 문장을 쓰는 것이 중요합니다~!
수고하셨습니다. *^^*