▶ Your Answer :
These days, the number of family
members is decreasing in contrast to the past. In this circumstances, an the importance
of the extended family is decreasing. However, in my opinion, the extended
family should be more stressed in considering that grandparents can help
raising grandsons and kids can get more love and education as they grow up.
To start with, grandparents
can take care of kids instead of their father of mother parents. Parents in these days are busy living
their life because of their own business. As grandparents usually stay at home,
they can raise the kids whose whenever the kids’ parents are busy. For example, when
I was little, both of my parents had a job and they could came come back from work
after almost 6p.m. Because I lived with my grandparents at that time, my
parents didn't have to worry about caring after me
and could concentrate on their jobs. They
could burden from the stress of nuturing. Since
parents wouldn’t have to be burdened by both their jobs and the chore of taking
care of their kids, For both earning couples and their
kids, an extended faily the extended family is
needed and thus has become more important than in the
past should be more important thing.
On top of that, kids can
have lots of benefits in the extended family. They can learn more from
grandparents that about things they
couldn't get from their parents, and they can get more love while they grow up.
For instance, one of my friends from an extended family learned how
to be polite to the elderly faster than other
friends who were living just with their parents. Also, as she got love and
affection from not only her parents but also from her grandparents, she always
looked happy and had big smile on her face. As this shows, an extended family can give benefits to young kids.
To sum up, an extended family can help busy parents' nurturing and can
provide a good environment for growing kids. In
this regard, now the extended families should have now become more important type of family than they have been in the past.
Writing
0-30 Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
19 |
Overall Score |
본문 첫 문단에 문법 오류가 매우
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않았던 게 조금 아쉬웠습니다. 위 지적사항들을 참고하세요. |
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