▶ Your Answer : Parents are a meaningful presence to us. Since we were born, parents have cared for us, and we were able to learn from them. In this regard, I agree with the opinion parents are the best teachers. If it were not for parents, we would not be able to grow on the right track. To begin with, we spend a lot of time talking to our parents. By communicating with them, we can learn something that is helpful for us to live. In my case, when I have a trouble with my friends, they (여기에서의 they 는 부모님을 지칭하는 게 맞겠지만, 문맥상 친구로 해석될 가능성이 높기 때문에 명확하게 밝혀주셔야 합니다.) talk told me I should not stick to the relationship between friends and if I were a good person, people around me are also good (이게 '내가 좋은 사람이면 자동적으로 내 주변에는 좋은 사람만 있을/남게 될 것이다' 정도의 의미인데, 사실 한국어랑 영어어의 차이로 인해 이러한 표현을 정확하게 번역하기는 어렵습니다. 개인적으로는 아예 다른 내용을 채택하는 걸 추천드려요.). These kinds of words motivated me to live better than yesterday. As parents have a lot of experience because they live longer than us, they have lots of things that they want to tell us.
Furthermore, there is no one who gives me love than parents. This means thatsince have been being loved, people can have a high level of self-esteem and confidence since they have been loved by their parents. It can be the most powerful advantage for people. Being loved is so important because anyone cannot be loved. In my case, when I was younger, my parents used to tell me they love me and hug. Maybe that time is when I felt somewhat of love at first. After that, I know that I am loved. If my parents had not taught me what love is, I could have not felt I was an important person.
As a result, parents can tell us a lot of things that could solve our problems and they can make us feel love. Furthermore, they can make us a loved one. These two things is are the important factors, which make parents the best teachers. Thus, I think parents are the best teachers (바로 앞에 있는 표현을 그대로 가져다 쓰는 건 그닥 좋다고 볼 수 없습니다.).
총평: 본론 두 번째 문단에서 '배움' 'teacher' 와 관련되어 조금 더 직접적으로 보여주셔야 할 필요가 있습니다. 예시에서 더욱 그렇고요. 단순히 사랑뿐만 아니라 이러한 사랑이 어떻게 위의 핵심 두 단어와 연관되는지를 명확히 보여주셔야 논제와 글이 일치한다고 볼 수 있어요. 수고하셨습니다 :) |