▶ Your Answer : It is debatable whether what’s the main source of learning between classroom knowledge and personal experience. This is an intriguing question because opinions concerning this issue can be different depending on individual perspectives. In my opinion, personal experience is more important learning source than classroom experience. for the following two subsequent reasons First of all, personal experience broaden people’s perspective. Personal experience has sole uniqueness itself. Compare to classroom knowledge In comparison to classroom knowledge, personal experience can affect individuals’ perspectives intrinsically. To be specific, personal experience –especially in childhood- create creates (personal experience는 단수 주어 입니다) a confusion in values and these confusion cause inner conflict, which as a result mature people’s value, perspective and idea. which creates an inner conflict. As modern society is becoming has become increasingly individualized, today’s world requires people with profound value. people can do this better by taking the personal experience spontaneously. To illustrate, Jordan Peterson, who is the author of the book “12 RULES FOR LIFE”, made great accomplishments in his lifetime. I read online that he was very successful because he was very profound and serious to every phenomena. He did this by develop developing his personal view by taking personal experience as much as possible. Therefore, this proves that personal experience is more essential source in learning than classroom knowledge. Second, personal experience helps people to learn about building relationship. To be specific, personal experience develop develops people’s value view and inner psyche. Eventually people are able to know how to building relationship fluently as each individual. know how to build relationship Building relationship is a great way to develop the increasingly important social, interpersonal, and communication skills. For example, Bill Gates, who is the founder of Microsoft, has made great achievement in his lifetime. I read book that he was very sociable because he take a lot of personal experience with regard to social relationship. It proves that personal experience more affect people’s sociability than classroom knowledge.
점수: 22 일단 두 가지 부분에 있어서 오류가 있습니다. 첫 번째는 각 단락의 예시들이 적절치 않습니다. 지금 나타나져 있는 예시들은 주제와 관련이 없습니다. 따라서 예시를 선정할 때 주제와 관련있는 예시를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 두 번째는 단수 복수 주어에 따른 동사 형태들을 적절하게 서술하시길 바랍니다. 이러한 부분들을 주의하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |