▶ Your Answer : It is of great worth to discuss whether or not people who accepting other's opinion is more likely to succeed in their lives people who accept others opinion succeed in their life. Some people might agree with this statement, the other might disagree with it. However, as far as I am concerned, I agree with the notion in for the following two subsequent reasons.
First of all, people may not know their problem. Other's criticism will make people succeed as teaching many solutions as such opinions teach many solution (이유에 대한 구체적 설명을 더 하고 난 후 예시로 넘어가시길 바랍니다). For example, One of Korean television program "alley restaurant " is good example of this notion. This is the program that Korean famous chief give solution to restaurant honors. For this program, lots of restaurant attracted customers and became famously. It shows that pioneer's criticism is related with follower's success.
Secondly, Lots of institute have been hearing user's opinion hears user's opinion. One of good example is Government. Korean government have has (government는 단수 주어 입니다) "citizen's reason board". Citizens can advice to government with this material. If more than 300,000 people agreed some notion, Korean government give answer to this question. Accepting public's opinion lead leads (ing뒤에는 단수 동사를 서술해야합니다) to prosperity of nation. This is because numerous problems can not be able to solved by Government.
To summarize, I strongly agree that accepting other people's recommendation is good for our success with reasons mentioned above.
점수: 22 일단 지금 이 에세이는 두 가지 부분에 있어서 오류가 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 먼저 첫 번째 오류는 이유에 대한 구체적 설명이 부족합니다. 이유가 완전히 설명이 되지 않은체 바로 예시로 넘어가는데 이런 부분은 적절 하지 않습니다. 마지막 부분은 문법적 부분입니다. 지금 이 에세이는 단수 복수 주어에 따른 동사 형태를 잘못 표기하고 있습니다. 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |