▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that human activity is causes environmental pollution. However, I think that human activity makes the earth a better place to live. We invent many methods of technology for our convenience. Also, the destroyed environment can be solved by technological development.
To begin with, the technology of development can prove that people are not satisfied with their life the technology development proves how people are not satisfied with their life. This reason for the current technological development is that people in the past felt uncomfortable with life at that time. It means is the technology bring people to more convenience brings about more convenience. We know that technology provides convenience. For example, an automobile made more convenient our life. We can now comfortably get to our destination by car. In the past, people would not have enjoyed such comfort if they had tried to travel. Therefore, the human activity made the Earth a better place to live by using technology.
On top of that, our society has much technological knowledge. Scientists are still updating the technology in order to solve damaged environment. The scientists warn important ways to prevent environmental pollution. In order to do so, they have invented many devices such as the hybrid car to avoid contamination of the environment. Such car releases less gas to the air. This effect leads to the seriousness of environmental problems and synchronizing attention.
To sum up, the technology of development can satisfy people’s life to solve earth's pollution makes the Earth a better place to live. Fair: 17~23 점수: 23 일단 문법적인 문제들이 아직도 있습니다. 제가 첨삭한 것을 보시고 확인 해 주시길 바랍니다. 또한 각 바디의 문장들이 너무 짧습니다. 좀 더 구체적인 설명과 예시를 사용해서 에세이의 양을 늘리는 것도 좋을 거 같습니다. 이러한 문제이외에는 딱히 지적할 만한 부분이 없습니다. 수고많으셧습니다.
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