▶ Your Answer : There might be some people who believe that teachers have to communicate with students than to be study a professional in their fields. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for the two subsequent reasons. First, if teachers hesitate to develop on their own, they might get low assessment from students. Second, most students like teachers who can teach easily. To begin with, nowadays teachers get evaluated about their teaching ability by students teachers can get evaluation about their teaching ability by students nowadays. However, if they do not are not an experts in their subjects, they would probably get a low grade in this assessment might get lower grade. For example, when I was in high school, I had to evaluate teachers' class method annually. At that time, I gave a lower point on a particular teacher that did one teachers who does not focus on his class. This was because Because, he always wanted to talk with students rather than give valuable education. In my opinion, providing a high quality of the class is the most important thing to teachers. On top of that, most students like teachers who can teach well. Because, since they can get lots of information from diligent teachers. For example, there was a poll conducted by Korea Gallup with one hundred high school students as respondents. The purpose of the survey was to understand the consensus view about which type of teachers did students more like more between. A a friendly teachers who always talk with students or teachers who are striving on his job. An overwhelming 91% students responded that they prefer teachers who always endeavor on the class since~~? (since 뒤에 내용이 생략된 것 같네요.) To sum up, teachers who study hard got high assessment receives a good assessment and most students like them. In this regard, I firmly believe that teachers have to study more on their fields. (무엇과 비교해서 그런지 다시 한번 상기시켜주세요.)
총평: 주장에 대한 근거는 비교적 잘 갖춰주셨지만, 본론 두 번째 문단은 너무 설문에 의존하기 때문에 좋지 못합니다. 설문에 들어가기 이전에 문단의 근거, 즉 전문가인 선생님으로부터 많은 정보를 얻을 수 있다라는 점에 대해 왜 그런지 먼저 설명을 하고 이후 설문을 언급해주셔야 해요. 또한 문장 중 비문이 많은 편이므로 첨삭된 내용을 확인해주시고 완전한 문장을 작성할 수 있도록 연습을 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고하셨습니다 :) |