▶ Your Answer :
Teaching is a critical job in all ages. Teachers disseminate their knowledge, communicate with their students and affect someone’s life. However, most of them do not have to make a conscious effort for their career because they generally teach the same specific subject and knowledge every year. Some might think that if teachers already have knowledge, it is fine to teach students without any effort, but in my view, teachers should be required to take the course in every five years to update their knowledge for the following reasons. The first reason that teachers need to be trained regularly is changes in society To begin with, society has been changed In the past, the social changes were not as dramatic as today’s ones, but our society have made a great progress since the late 1980s However, since 1980's our society has shown a great changes. It indicates that we need to embrace many changes and demands related to a new environment, but the problem is that school textbooks do not reflect the factors and are rarely revised The problem is textbook does not manifest such changes. In this sense, the teachers’ stalled knowledge and perspectives should be modified as a changing through taking courses, so that students learn more things from teachers. When I was in high school, for example, my social studies teacher always adhered his outdated knowledge, and his explanation did not include any new social phenomenons. If teachers teach students with recognition about the changes of society, their lectures will be more lively and real ones. (마무리 부분이 많이 아쉽습니다 좀 더 명확하게 서술하시길 바랍니다)
Secondly, it is necessary for teachers to motivate themselves. Human beings tend to prefer something familiar and comfortable, and it leads people to fall into idleness. Teachers are as the same as others the same. To be specific, they always work with the same pattern, which means work with the same knowledge about one subject. The circumstance discourages them to recognize the necessity of improvement related to their professionalism and makes be stuck in a rut. Therefore, they should update their knowledge on and on and find motivation for teaching to teach. Through their efforts, students can also learn more things from them. When I was a teacher, I tried to acquire new teaching skills and information, and it led me to have more confidence and to teach students in combination with more effective method and passion when teaching students.
To be short, teachers will be able to gain new knowledge about changing society and motivation for their jobs when they update their knowledge via various courses. I believe that teachers’ efforts will bring about the advancement of our education system.
점수: 21 일단 지금 이 에세이는 두 가지 부분에 있어서 오류가 있는 에세이입니다. 먼저 첫 번째 는 어색한 표현들이 많습니다. 이러한 표현들은 제가 지적한 부분을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 두 번째 오류는 각 단락의 마지막 부분이 모호합니다. 모호할 뿐만 아니라 무엇을 말하려고 하려는 지 잘 모르겠습니다. 따라서 마지막 부분들을 더 구체적으로 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |