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It is debatable when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports or to do things that together that are related to schoolwork way to use time with children is to play fun games or do sports. In general, some people might say that busy parents should spend a lot of time doing things together that are associated with their homework. In my opinion, however, I strongly agree with that working parents have to spend a great deal of time having fun playing games or sports activities for the following subsequent reasons.
First and foremost, busy parents have to encourage their children to play games or sports after school. In modern times, students need to take a break after school since they are under much pressure in terms of their academic studies. With their parents, they are able to relieve can relieve their stress and clear their head. To be specific, it helps them to concentrate on study and do better, whereas even if parents force them to study hard after school, students would be exhausted and have a difficult time to do their daily life (이 부분은 필요하지 않는 문장인거 같습니다). For example, there was a poll conducted by the Johns Hopkins University with 300 current working parents as respondents. The purpose of the survey is to understand a consensus view about the roles of busy parents. An overwhelming 84 percent responded that working parents should spend a lot of time playing sports together such as soccer, basketball, and golf. Moreover, they admitted that after school, it allows children to forget about academic pressure and better focus on their school life at school. This survey proves that it is highly beneficial for their children to spend time with parents.
In addition, playing games or sports is the best method to build healthy relationships between busy parents and their children. To be specific, working parents do not have enough time to take care of their children because they have to focus on their business at a workplace. However, if they spend time with their kids, they would build relationships through active sports and enjoyable games. Furthermore, it will be a good chance to get good memories for children, even parents who were exhausted about their works. For example, when I was an elementary school student, my parents were a busy working person. When I told them that I needed time to have a good time with yours every weekend because I had no memories we made together. My parents did their best to spend time with me by playing games and golf so that I was able to feel refreshed and have a valuable time with my parents. So now I come to think of it, these memories were great to me as well as we still talk about those memories.
In conclusion, it is the best way to play games and sports with their parents for children because it will allow their children to relieve their stress and do better at school, and it cannot only build hard relationships but also make good memories with their parents. In this regard, I hold that working parents should spend time with their children even on weekends.
점수: 27 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것은 설득력 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우에 있어서는 설득력 부분에서는 구체적으로 잘 전달하고 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 각 단락에서의 구체적 설명과 적절한 예시는 에세이로 하여금 왜 부모님들이 아이들하고 바쁜 와중에도 게임과 운동을 같이 해야하는 지를 논리적이고 구체적으로 잘 설명하고 있는 거 같습니다. 잘 서술하였습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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