▶ Your Answer: Most of the schools are starting the school day at an early time. However, there are lots of arguments about the starting time of the school day. In my opinion, I think starting early would be better for students than at the later time. There are two reasons which support my opinion for the following two subsequent reasons.
Firstly, if school starts early, students can spend the morning time more efficiently. (이유에 대한 구체적 설명을 더 하시고 난 후에 예시로 넘어가서 서술하시길 바랍니다) According to Seoul University, there is research that people concentrate most on the early time of the day. So early time would be the best circumstance to study. However, the problem is that most students don’t do not (독립형 에세이에서는 줄인말을 서술하면 안됩니다) wake up early. And it gets worse The situation gets worsened if there’s no school in the morning. Korea research shows that the majority of students wake up at 11 am during vacation season, and this means that students are not using morning time efficiently. So school should start at an early time to make better circumstance for students.
Secondly, if school starts early in the morning, students can go to the academy after school. Academy is very important in Korea and Japan, to go to university. So the academy is essential for students. However, all the academy starts at daytime, because of rules in Korea and Japan. Therefore, if school starts and ends early, students would be able to go to the academy after school. However, if school starts at a later time, going to the academy would be impossible. For example, in 2014, Japan changed the starting time from early to later time as a trial. However, there were lots of complains about it that students couldn’t go to the academy because of the school time. As a result, Japan had to return the starting time. As this example shows, the school should start at an early time, so that students can go to the academy.
In conclusion, I think that starting the school day at an early time is better than at the later time, because it makes better circumstance for students to study, and students can also go to the academy, which is one of the most important things for students.
점수: 22 일단 지금 이 에세이에서 부족한 부분을 차지하는 것은 이유에 대한 구체적 설명이 많이 부족합니다. 구체적 설명을 하고 난 후에 예시로 넘어가는 것이 독립형 에세이에서는 좋을 거 같습니다. 예시는 이유를 서포트 하는 부분을 차지하는 것이지 전체적인 내용을 차지하는 것이 아닙니다. 따라서 이유에 대하여서 구체적 설명을 더 하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |