▶ Your Answer : Some people believe that attending a small party with close friends and family is better than attending a big party with diverse people. However, as for me, it is clear that having a big party with a number of new people is better. The explanations and reasons below support my idea concretely for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, if we participating in a large party with various people, we can broaden our perspectives and learn about new thoughts and experiences that we have not known before one can broaden perspective and learn new things and experiences. And having these things is really important in the world like today which is full of diversity and changes Having such skills is important to survive in diversity world. To be specific, when I was a college student I stayed in China for one year as an exchange student. There were a lot of lots of students from different nations in the college that I attended in China. I could join the parties that they held in their places and could talk with them about various topics. These conversations helped me to become a better person who has a broad perspective and accepts diversity. But we cannot expect these growths in ourselves if we are restricted to the environment with the familiar people.
Additionally, we can develop our social skills by joining a large party with many people. Having social skills became a key qualification in today’s society which forces us to meet a bunch of new people almost every day. So learning how to deal with new people is really important today. But it is hard to practice this skill with the close friends of the family. To explain more about this, my father is a CEO of a company and he often tells me the importance of social skills. According to him, since the human relationship is getting complicated has become more complicated day by day, keeping a good relationship with unfamiliar people is a key capacity to succeed in a modern society. So he always advises me to have opportunities to meet new people as often as possible rather than people that I already know. Therefore, in my opinion, to be in a party with various people is better than be at a party with close friends or family members.
점수: 23 일단 결론이 어디있나요? 독립형 에세이에서 결론이 하는 역할은 에세이를 마무리 하는 역할을 하고 있습니다. 하지만 지금 이 에세이는 결론이 없기 때문에 이 에세이가 전반적으로 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 또한 어색한 표현들이 많습니다. 이러한 표현들은 에세이 플로우를 방해하기 때문에 제가 지적한 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |