▶ Your Answer : dis
It is debatable
whether Grand parents cannot give useful advice to their grandchildren. This is
an intriguing question because argument concerning this issue can be different
relying on the depending on the individual perspective. In my opinion, however, I support that they
can give a useful advice to their grandchildren for the following reasons.
First of all, they
have lot of experience. To be specific, they already underwent what we are undergoing.
because they almost know the answer that accumulated by diverse experience we already confront with as they can give a clear answer accumulated from life experience, once
they advise to grandchild about their problem, it helps grandchildren to make a
wise decision. To be specific, when I was trouble in my job seeking problem I had problem in seeking for job, I
wanted to ask my sister. but she was very busy, thus she was unwilling to listen my
problem. So, I went to my grandmother. she sincerely gave me a practical advice
and encouraged me. Therefore, I could solve my problem and relieve stress.
On top of that, they
are not outdated. To be specific, in this technological world, they are familiar
with many media contents. Saying that the grand parents always look at the new paper
is the old story! nowadays, they primarily have a television and smart phone. So,
they can accept to numerous updated information. A study conducted by Korean Board
of Information is a good example. The researchers tracked the habit of 200 grand
parents over 3 years. What they found was intriguing. Most grand parents noticed
what is happening in this world and knew about the latest issue in the
society. The reason was that they spent a lot of time using smart phone and Internet.
All things
considered, I firmly believe that grand parents can offers offer (can뒤에는 동사 원형 입니다) a good advice to their
grandchildren. It is my belief that my argument has been effectively and precisely
delivered with reasons mentioned above. Never should we forget that this topic may
have a huge effect on our future.
점수: 26 일단 문법적인 부분과 어색한 표현들이 있습니다. 이러한 부분들은 에세이의 전반적인 플로우를 방해합니다. 플로우가 방해를 받게 되다 보면 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 파악하기가 어려워지기 때문에 제가 지적한 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 이러한 부분을 재외하고는 전체적으로 자신의 주장을 잘 전달하고 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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