▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, using Internet connected
devices in university plays a significant role in people’s daily lives in many
of the places where they play and work. Some people think that professor
prohibited students from using Internet connected devices in class, while
others do not think differently. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If
I were asked to choose one, I would say that I disagree with professor or
instructor stop students from using Internet connected machines in class. There
are several reasons as follows. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To
begin with, when people use their devices in class, it allows people to improve
their performance in class work performance can be enhanced. Machines such as laptops and tablets are equipped
with many functions that help people do work efficiently and accurately to do work more efficiently and accurately. When such
functions are well used, it is likely to bring a better result in class it brings about better results. For
example, my youngest brother submitted his assignment late many times in
university. It took a long time to get to the library, sort our relevant material
and search for information through all printed books. However, he has changed
little by little gradually after he started to use these technologies such as the smart
phone apps and the Internet through the laptop in class. To be specific, with
the smart phone, he was able to communicate with other team member right away. With
the internet through the laptop, he was able to access a wide range of the
recent information regardless of distance and time. By doing this In doing so, he could
maintain a good behavior by raising his grades. He was able to excel all throughout
in university and received straight A’s in class. Without these technologies,
he would have been fallen behind during his university life.
In
addition, using Internet linked devices in university allows them to let off
stress and pressure one can release stresses. It gives people a chance to experience something different
from what they would do in their routine life. A new experience tends to
prevent them from feeling bored in their life. For example, when my sister was in
high school, she often felt depressed thinking that her life became an
exhausting routine. To survive in competitive world, she spent a whole day
studying all academic subjects, hoping that she could outdo others. Although
she made constant effort, it was not easy because everyone was working as hard
as she was. Fortunately, she was able to deal with such pressure and stress in
a safe way by using through SNS and smartphone apps. By using SNS and
smartphone apps, she was able to get the information about the lecture because with
SNS, she could share the information of the lecture with her friends and also
with smart phone apps, she was able to get the recent information about the
lecture in class. By doing this she was able to let off some steam about the
lecture in class.
In
short, I firmly believe that the advantages of using Internet connected devices
in university far outweigh those of professor stop students from using internet
linked devices for the reasons I have mentioned above. The importance of using
Internet connected devices in class cannot be overestimated in university life.
점수: 22 두 가지 부분에 있어서 오류가 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 먼저 첫 번째는 에세이가 너무 장황합니다. 인트로 부터 시작하여서 결론까지 에세이가 너무장황합니다. 에세이가 장황하다 보면 본레 자기가 전달하려고 했던 의미들이 변질되기 때문에 좀 더 간결하게 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 또한 두 번째 단락 예시가 주제를 벗어났습니다. 예시를 선정할 때 주제에 초점을 두면서 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |