▶ Your Answer :
When it comes to the decision making for children’s
leisure time, there is still a controversial whether their parents should plan
their free time carefully or not. In my opinion, I believe children should make
their own schedule for their leisure time. This is because children are able to
learn to how to set their own decision and they will get to know to deal with
difficulties that they will meet in their life. for the following two subsequent reasons (이미 밑에서 이유들을 다 서술할 것이기 때문에 굳이 인트로를 장황하게 서술할 필요가 없습니다)
To
begin with, children can build their decision making process starting from
making their own schedule for free time. If their parents set their trivial
plan such as leisure activity, children will also rely on their parents for
other critical events such as major selection, or job searching. For example, I
and my younger brother are raised in different ways. My parents was always
worried about me because I am the first child of them. They even forced me to
meet friend that they chose for me. Eventually, I became very dependent person,
making me selected my major in university followed by my parents’
recommendation. However, my brother was grown up with less intervention since
it was second child and my parents knew interfering with child future is not
good way to teach the life. He is more confident at making the choice than me
and he made a choice what to study and to become.
On
top of that, Children develop the ability of dealing with the problem during
the time they set their plan. Despite of fallacies that children usually make
during the decision making, they will learn how to weather complicated life
from numerous trials and errors. It will be very helpful because it gives vital
lesson for them to be more flexible when they encounter unexpected situations.
For instance, one of my friend is from orphanage and he used to make the choice
since he was in elementary school. I thought it was very unfortunate for him to
be left without being cared by adults. However, I realized that every time he
got challenges, he knew how to cope with it more efficiently than the others.
He said that he has been gone through a lots of hard time and he had to solve
this by himself.
To
sum up, children acquire the ability to set their selection at initial stage of
their life and they are will be in capacity to control the crisis with their
own decision making. In this regard, I disagree with that parents should build
their offspring’s leisure time thoroughly.
점수: 27 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것은 설득력 입니다. 지금 이 에세이는 설득력 부분에 있어서는 완벽히 숙지가 되어있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 각 단락의 구체적 설명과 적절한 예시들을 통하여서 왜 아이들이 자신이 미래에 대한 부분을 결정을 해야하는 지를 잘 설명하고 있습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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