▶ Your Answer : There might be some people who believe that friends does do (friends는 복수 주어 입니다) not have a great impact on the teenager's life. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, teenagers are spending their most of time with their friends spend most of their time with friends. To be specific, they go to schools in the morning first, and exhaust half of a day there. Moreover, after the school, they tend to hang out or take part in group study or other extracurricular programs. For instance, a survey was conducted by the Korean Education Association with 1,000 high school students as respondents. The purpose of the survey was to understand the consensus view about the importance of friendship to teenagers. The majority admitted the statement. The overwhelming 78% had responded that they were likely to be affected by their friends. They had claimed that they could not help get along with friends getting along with friends since they should go school and study. Those time they spend together could make themselves bonded tight. This poll shows that teenagers are more likely to affected by their friends.
On top of that, people can have amounts of opportunities to learn to be sociable at their teenage times. What this means is that since Since teenagers are forced to what they should do as students, such as study, sports, other extracurricular programs, they ought to get along with friends, which made them perceive their friends as objects for both competition or cooperation. For example, I will talk about my experience to illustrate this point. When I was middle school student, I envied my friend Jason who was excellent at every aspects. He was top at degrees, also was the best football player. I was so motivated that I tried to catch up with (전치사가 들어가야하는 부분입니다) him at every aspects. I struggled to follow his study plan and also do sports together. Through those efforts, I could get closed to him and also improve my grades. I could even stay in better shape than before. From this experiece, I realized the importance of a friend to the improvements of people's ability or emotion.
To sum up, the teen consume much time with friends, and those time make them more sociable. In this regard, I firmly believe that teenagers are more likely to be affected by their own friends than anyone else.
점수: 26 약간의 문법적 오류와 어색한 표현들이 있습니다. 가장 큰 문법적 오류들은 단수 복수 주어에 따른 동사 형태 입니다. 지금 이 에세이는 이러한 부분이 많이 부족하기 때문에 제가 지적한 부분들을 숙지하시길 바랍니다. 이러한 문법적 오류들을 재외하면 전체적으로 자기가 무엇을 전달하려고 하는 것인지를 잘 보여주고 있습니다. 각 단락들이 구체적으로 왜 아이들이 친구들한테 더 영향을 받는지를 논리정연하게 잘 설명하고 있습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |