▶ Your Answer :
People may hold many different opinions about the statements (statement가 무엇에 대한 것이었는지도 써주셔야 합니다). However, i I strongly believe that studying alone is more affective, because of the two following reasons. To begin with, studying alone is more effecttive effective for students because it is possible to concentrate better (집중을 더 하는 것이 가능하기 때문에 공부하는 게 더 효과적이다라고 해석이 되는데 무슨 뜻인지 이해하기가 어렵습니다). This is because the students concentrate when they stop talking talkng. For my experience, when i I was a high_school students i I had wondered why most of the students who have had a good scores had have a quite quiet personality. So, Oone day i I asked my friend my quiestion this question to him and he anser answered me that it was because in order to have a good grade, you need to concentrate at well on your work and one of the best ways of gaining such high concentrating to concentrate well is not to speak until you finish your work. Through the anser, i recognize With my friend's help I realized why the students who had a with good grades have a quite personality. The reason was because not to talking with other make students hold their made them to concentrate better, and Therefore, i I have no doubt in my mind that concentrating is more effective to student ('집중하는 것이 학생에게 더 효과적이다'는 당연한 이야기입니다. 내용을 확인해주세요). On top of that, it (단락의 첫번째 문장에서는 대명사를 쓰지 않도록 해주세요. it이 무엇인지 풀어서 써주세요) seems makes working together looks more sensible. However, when it comes to preventing to not wasting waste time, working alone is more affective. The primary duty of students is to study, and therefore, students have to be cautous (cautious?) by handle managing their time well. it It is easy to waste their time when they work with other students. In my experience i I used to be in had a students academic study class which where students teach each other, when i was in middle school students. I thought students study class can makes would make us put in more efforts and become responsible, However, when the class has started i I could not didn't have any opportuninty to concentrate because the students who had in the class was were so noisy noizy enough and also didn't did not even talk about their study. For From this experience I i recognize realized that it is hard to concentrate when students work together.
In a nutshell, Altough although the quistion question of whether to work together or to work alone is open to interpretation. It seems more effectively to it seems reasonable that working alone because of the two reasons aboves.
Score: 5점 Comments: - Punctuation (맞춤법)은 라이팅에서 기본입니다. I는 무조건 대문자로 써주시고 문장 중간에 있는 단어 대문자로 시작하지 말아주세요. - 오타 및 스펠링 실수가 많습니다. proof-reading 해주세요 - 본론1의 이유와 설명이 이해가지 않습니다. 일에 집중을 더 잘할수 있다는 것은 결국 본론2가 얘기하는 것과 같지 않나요? 더 명확한 설명이 필요해보입니다. - 본론2에서 제시된 이유와 설명은 적절합니다. - 기초 문법에서의 실수가 많습니다. 첨삭 내용을 확인해주세요. - 라이팅에서 축약형은 쓰지 않습니다. didn't (X) = did not (O)
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