▶ Your Answer :
Some
people might say that moving to a new city or country is not a good idea
because you will lose your old friend. However, I think moving to a new city or
country is a good idea. This is because the old friend is not a requisite of
life and you can contact with your friends with the Internet.
To begin
with, the old friend is not that important to real
living actually. The average life span is almost a hundred years now.
This long life, it is almost impossible to contact whole life with the old
friend, because you would meet new people and make new relationships
continuously. For example, Tthere was a
survey conducted by Gallup Korea with the old people who are older than 70
years old as respondents. The purpose of survey was to understand the consensus
view about the importance of old relationship. The majority of respondents
ranked new relationship over old relationship. An overwhelming 88% had
responded that it is important to make new relationship since it can make your
sight broader and life is too long to live ing
with few friends. This survey shows that people do not have a negative view of
not caring the old friend.
On top of
that, you do not have to meet your friends in person since there is highly
improved internet services now. There are many ways to interact with your
friends even if you are not able to meet your friends. For instance, I was born
at Seoul, Korea, and I i am living in
Tokyo, Japan now. But I do not feel loneliness because I
i can send a text or have a video chat with my friends anytime we want.
I even contact with my friend who I i met
at Paris, France. And it is always a good experience interacting with many
people around the world.
To sum up, Yyou can
make new relationships at new country or city, and also can maintain your old
relationships with the Internet. Therefore you do not have to worry about
moving to a new city or country because of the worries about losing your old
friend. In this regard, I firmly believe that moving to a new city
or country is a good idea.
Good (24–30)
첫번째 본문 -living actually 는 어색한 표현입니다. real living 이 더 적절합니다. -대소문자 오류 there -to 부정사는 to+동사 원형 으로 씁니다. 따라서, to living-->to live 두번째 본문 -대소문자 오류. i-->I -around the world 로 써주세요.
결론 -대소문자 오류. you 내용 괜찮습니다. 언급된 오류들 유의해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~ |