■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic :
The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. |
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▶ Your Answer :
Some people might say that the rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too generous. However, in my opinion, the rules on our society these days are quite strict for the young to follow. This is because generation has changed compared to the past, so it cannot fit with young people.
To begin with, previous rules made by the old are likely to fit with the old generation, not the young generation, so the young could feel like the rules on our society lately are too strict. There are a wide variety of rules such as constitution, law and implicit norm at the workplace. In fact, these rules are unlikely to change frequently. In particular, the rules at the workplace are not likely to change for a long time, which means that this kind of rules has remained unchanged at least for several years or even for a few decades. As a result, it is hard and inappropriate for the young generation to take these rules. I will give you an example to elucidate my point. For instance, South Korea was a developing country in the 1970s and there were a lot of factors to be developed such as exporting items, improving our own expertise in making electronic products and enhancing streets. At the time, people could have made a lot of effort in them and a lot of those people still have the mindset that younger people nowadays do not have fervent will to overcome the hard situation. Finally, this society consisted of those who have developed through hard times and the young are forced by those power. (What power?Be more specific.) Naturally, it would be very harsh to follow for those who were born in the old South Korea. This implies that the rules on society should be changed for younger people to obey the rules.
To sum up, past rules could be difficult for the young to follow. For this reason, I agree with the statement that the rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. |
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문제가 생각하기가 쉽지가 않았어서 빨리 적느라 검토도 못해봤네요...
좋은 아이디어 있으신가요? ㅠㅠ
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점수: 20/30
1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼을 눌러서 들여쓰기 (indent) 해주세요.
2. 토플 독립형 에세이 기본 구조는 인트로 - 바디1 - 바디2 - 결론 입니다.
바디가 1개다 보니 말하고 싶은 요점은 많아도 정리가 잘 안 되어있습니다.
3. conclusion 분량이 너무 짧습니다. 문단 당 적어도 3문장 이상으로 맞춰주세요.
4. rules의 구체적인 example을 적어주세요.
예를 들면, 술자리 예절이라든지 젓가락 올바르게 잡는 법 혹은 옷차림 등 예시를 적어주셔야 감독관의 이해가 더 쉬울 겁니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*