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It is increasing that teenager who are have part-time jobs Teenagers working on part time job have been increased.
It is controversial whether it is good for teenage students to
work at part-time jobs. Some people believe that students should not
have part- time jobs, because having part-time jobs may be hinder students
to focus on their study. In my opinion, however, I think that it is beneficial
for teenage students to have part-time jobs for the following two obvious
reasons.
To
begin with, it is diverse experiences for teenage students to
have part-time jobs students can get diverse experiences. Students can take variety experiences that cannot
be received in school. Many different experiences give
students large view point. This helps students to understand others. For
example, I had a part-time job, when I was in high school.
I worked at restaurant. One day, a man who are vegetarian order sandwich was vegetarian ordered sandwich (일단 man은 단수고 과거에 대한 얘기이기 때문에 과거형으로 서술하시길 바랍니다).
I did not know that vegetarian did not eat even eggs. I made sandwich
with egg scramble. After ate sandwich, He complaint me eating sandwich,, he complained me.
I was made to apologize to him apologized to him. I realize that there is diverse
kind of vegans. It could not learn in high school.
On the other hand, having part-time job earn earns (ing~뒤에는 항상 단수 동사 입니다) money. There are many students
that cannot enroll at school because of financial problems. If student work and
earn works and earns (student는 단수 주어 입니다) money, they can pay their fees their selves he or she can pay the money. In addition, students can buy
goods that they want to get. This can relieve stress and may become motivation
of to (전치사를 잘못 활용 하엿습니다) study. For example, my father was born poor family. He wants to be mechanic engineer,
but his family could not pay his university's tuition. He studied at day and
he work at bakery at night. Finally, he can undergraduate university
successively. Other example is my brother. He had hobby in
collecting shoes. He worked at convenience. He bought shoes.
This help him to relieve stress and motivate for study.
To sum up, it takes good advantage for teen students to having part-time jobs.
This is because students can experience many things and earn much money.
점수: 22 일단 모든 설명들이 이어져서 이야기 하고 있다라는 느낌 보다는 계속 끊어진다는 느낌이 듭니다. 이러한 느낌이 드는 가장 결정적인 부분은 전체적으로 설명 자체가 원활하게 이어지지 않습니다. 설명이 모호하고 전체적으로 무엇을 전달하려고 하는 것인지 모르기 때문에 이러한 결과가 초래 되는 거 같습니다. 좀 더 구체적으로 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |