▶ Your Answer :
It is a known fact that everyone loves spending money,
because you can buy whatever you want by using your money right after you earn
it. Some people think that you do not need to save a budget for yourself
because you are going to spend it anyway. However, I think it is better to save
money instead of spending it right away.
To begin with, you do not know what is going to happen to
you in the future. To be specific, if you do not save money, you cannot use it
right away when you actually need it. For example, one of my friends always loved spending money. He did not think twice
when he buys something and did not save his money after he earns it. When he
decided to get married, he did not have enough money for his wedding, because
he spent it whenever he wanted. He ended up
getting money from his parents which he could have paid
y on his own if he saved his money more wisely.
On top of that, you cannot feel happy with your achievement achieveness by not saving money.
When you worked really hard, and if there is no money left, you will be really
disappointed to yourself. For instance, my cousin decided to go for the working
holiday in Canada. She was planning to save a lot of money from work to pay
back her university loan. She went there and did not didn't
saved her money wisely, and just spent all of it. When she came back to
Korea, one year later, she had no money at all. She was just spending her time
and effort with no gain, and she was really disappointed to herself.
To sum up,
people can have a choice of spending money right away after they earn it or
save it for later use. In this regard, I think saving money is a better choice
because you do not know when you really need your money, and you will feel
unhappy with no money left after your hard work.
Good (24–30)
첫번째 본문 -one of 복수 -철자 오류. whenever -과거 완료. could have p.p. 로 씁니다. pay 의 과거분사형 paid로 써주세요.
두번째 본문 -achieveness가 무엇을 쓰려고 하셨는지 모르겠습니다. achievement라고 써도 어색한 문맥입니다. -축약형 지양해주세요. didn't-->did not 내용/이유/설명/예시 괜찮습니다. 언급된 부분들 개선해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~ |