▶ Your Answer :
An
intriguing topic of discussion at hand is whether the most effective way for a
country to progress is to improve its schools or is not to improve its schools.
It may seem true that the best way for a country to progress is to improve its
school; however, with in-depth analysis the statement seems rather too far-fetched.
Although people may hold difference ideas and opinions, I personally support
the idea that the best way to progress a country isn’t to fund for schools on account
of two reasons: cost of improving schools outweigh benefits and there are
better areas for investment.
To begin with, costs of improving
schools outweigh its benefits. Because, efforts to improve schools have been
expensive, but haven’t produced tangible results. For example, US government
have spent money on their schools. By government’s funding to schools, they
established many facilities and helped their students, trained teachers for
educations. Unfortunately US isn’t ranked first in education. Although government
invested to schools through variable way, it seem that to improve its school didn’t
influence ranking in education but also any part of country. (It seems far from the truth)
On top of that, I think that there
are better areas for investment in country. Funding of country in the education field seems a in
good way, but it’s not only the effective way for a county to develop. Security and
energy issues/concerns ed are more crucial in today’s world. Indeed, a study recently
conducted by the National Institute of US is well aligned with this statement. Countries
with strong military and vest energy reserves are most stable. (In what?) Thus investing
in security and energy is more effective than in its schools.
In a nutshell, although whether the
most effective way for a country to progress is to improve its schools or is
not to improve its schools is open to interpretation, it seems reasonable to
claim that to improve its school is not the most effective way for a country to
progress.
| 채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 2 | 2 | 2 | Score | Fair 16-19 | - 글의 흐름이 다소 자연스럽지 않고 중간에 뚝뚝 끊기는 느낌이 있습니다.
- 첫 번째 내용에서는 대부분의 us 대학교가 world top ranking에 올라와 있는 것을 예로 들 때에 해당의 논지는 사실과 일치하지 않고 있어요.
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