▶ Your Answer :
There
are numerous people who love to make new friends by playing group sports and
joining a club. Some people think that playing group sports and joining a club
is the most effective way to make new friends. However, I strongly believe that
going on a trip is the most effective way to make new friends because it offers
us a great opportunity and our insight’s expansion. Let me explain for two main
reasons with the following essay.
First
of all, traveling makes lots of new friends because it expands our language
skills. What I mean is that going on a trip makes your worldview bigger than
sporting with groups or joining a club. You will experience novel cultures and
get diverse foreign friends that help you for your future. And you will get the
point that how to make new friends. If you joining join a club or sports group, you
may create your memories with your friends and win at a game. However, it doesn’t does not
help your development for your life. Therefore it is more valuable to go on a
trip than doing other things.
In
addition, you would make your unforgettable memories which sports and clubs cannot
provide you. By traveling, you will realize who you are and it will help you to
make genuine friends as well. From my personal experience, I made my friends in
Taiwan. She usually gave me letter and we could consult our problem together and
we became closer than my friends in Korea. Moreover, it is my turning point
that I could change my personality and it’s more sufficient for our interaction
of relationships.
For
these reasons, I would go on a trip than making friendships by playing group
sports or joining a club. Fair: 17~23 점수: 17 일단 너무 구어체적으로 에세이를 서술하엿습니다. 에세이형 태에서는 이인칭 주어인 you를 서술하시면 안됩니다. 이인칭 주어보다는 삼인칭 주어를 서술하시는 것이 좋습니다. 또한 너무 설명이 빈약합니다. 이 에세이를 통해서 무엇을 말하려고 하는 건지 잘모르겠습니다. 좀 더 구체적인 설명들이 필요해 보입니다. 또한 문법적 오류들이 있으니 제가 첨삭한것을 보시고 확인 하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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