▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that parents should set strict rules for their children if they want them to succeed in life. However, in my opinion, strict rules are not necessary for children to succeed for following reasons the following two subsequent reasons. .
First of all, rigid rules confine children's behavior. To be specific, rigid rules prevent children from doing diverse activities. However, it is necessary for children to do the activities and have unexpected adventures as much as they can to increase imagination. Since ingenuity is an important ability to succeed, diverse experiences during childhood are demanding are essentially needed . For example, my parent did not set strict rules when I was young. I could do whatever I want to do even though that was slightly dangerous, and I still think that my childhood plays an important role for me to be imaginative. Childhood played important role in developing ingenuity
Next, children might lose their confidence under strict rules. Children under the rules tend to think if they are doing right, and worry about results before they conduct whether they are doing the right things. Worrying prior to trying make children to lose confidence and eventually leave children far away from success (이 문장은 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인가요? 이해가 되지 않습니다). One experiment conducted with two groups of children supports it. One group of children lived with strict rules for 6 months while the other group of children lived without the rules. After 6 months, both groups were given a quiz to solve. The latter group showed confidence while they are solving and was willing to keep try. However, group with strict rules had no confidence and easily gave up. To sum up, strict rules are not beneficial for children's success because rules restrict children's behavior and lower their confidence. For these reasons, I think that parents should not set strict rules for their children's success.
점수: 27 약간의 문법적 오류들을 재외하고는 전체적으로 논리정연하게 잘 서술한 독립형 에세이입니다. 각 단락에서의 구체적 설명과 적절한 예시 사용은 왜 부모님이 아이들에게 강한 규정을 정해줘야 하는 지를 잘 설명하고 있습니다. 전반적으로 논리정연하고 명확하게 자신의 주장을 전달하는 거 같습니다. 잘 서술하였습니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |