■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : Young people should try several jobs or careers before deciding a long-term job or career. |
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▶ Your Answer
Most people think that it is a waste of time to try several minor jobs so that they say that it is better to focus on preparing for a long-term job. However, I believe that it would be greatly beneficial for young people to give it a try to experience lots of jobs and careers before they decide a long-term job or career. I feel this way for two (에세이에서는 아라비아 숫자를 지양해주세요.) reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.
First and foremost, it can be a great experience to get a satisfying long-term job. Generally, people who have lots of experiences in many fields have more chances to be successful because they know how to overcome hardships thanks to their various experiences. For example, my uncle Kevin is a civil servant who is in a high position. Actually, he had been in various occupations, such as a English teacher and a manager in the restaurant, before he became an officer. He says that he really loves his current job because he was able to realize that he is good at writing and dealing with documents rather than teaching someone or managing the store by going through many different jobs. On top of that, young people can indeed enjoy their lives. In general, young people want to try as many things as they can, like being a vocal in the band or painting a picture and I was also one of the people like them. In my case, for instance, as I graduated from the college, I suddenly made a decision to join a rock band for half a year since being a guitarist in a band had been my dream for a long time. It was totally different from what I had studied in collegeㅡthe physicsㅡbut I was greatly happy to experience such a fantastic career. Though now I am a scientist, I would extremely feel regrets about what I did not do if I did not join a band. Though now I am a scientist, I would have felt extreme regretful if I had not joined the band. To summarize what I mentioned above, I am for the notion that it is a good way to do many jobs and careers before they get a long-term job. Therefore, nothing in mind casts doubt on (전치사) my resolute standpoint regarding given statement.
질문1) 항상 첨삭해주셔서 정말 감사합니다 ㅠㅠ 궁금한 점이 있는데, 시험은 다가오는데 아직도 영작 실력은 꽝이고 ...ㅠ 2개의 바디를 시간 내에 쓰려고 하면 굉장히 디테일 같은 게 엉성해지는 기분인데 차라리 1개의 바디를 다소 길고 자세하게 쓰는 게 높은 점수를 받는데 있어서 괜찮은 대안이 될 수 있을까요? |
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질문해주신 부분) 원래 에세이의 기본 틀은 서론, 본론 1, 본론 2, 결론 이렇게 4문단입니다.
1개의 문단에 복합적인 주장이 들어가 있고 example도 세세하다면 플러스가 되겠지만
같은 말이 반복되고, 크게 길지도 않고 그저 그런문단이라면... 조금 엉성해도 2개의 문단이 더 나을 것 같습니다.
(지금 괜찮습니다 나쁘지 않아요)
두 번째 문단의 설득력은 잘 모르겠습니다.
should 자체가 ~해야 한다 라는 뉘앙스를 풍기는데
두 번째 바디 문단은 그냥 youngster들이 즐기기 때문에 라고밖에 해석이 안 됩니다.
오프토픽의 가능성도 보입니다.
어떤 현상에 대한 설명이 아니라 주장을 하셔야합니다.
왜 그들이 다양한 job을 '경험해야하는지에대한' 이유를 제시해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*