■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : in order to encourage children to study harder, parents should avoid letting them watch television |
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▶ Your Answer : An intriguing topic of discussion at hand
is whether in order to encourage children to study harder, parents should avoid
letting them watch television or should let them watch television. It
may seem true that they do not have to watch television to study harder;
however, with in-depth analysis the statement seems rather too
far-fetched. Although people may hold
different ideas and opinions, I personally support that they should be allowed
to watch television for their study on account of two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, letting
children watch TV with proper length of time will be rather helpful for
them. To be specific, they can release
stress by watching TV and allowing them to watch (allow 목적어 to 동사원형 입니다.) TV helps focusing on study because
they can focus on something after achieving their desiring. A study recently conducted by National
Institution of South Korea aligns well with this statement. The research shows that more than 90% of
students, who attended the experiment, enjoyed their studying after watching TV
with proper time. It well explains why
parents should allow their children to watchTV.
On top of this,
watching TV is also one of the means of diverse educations for children, when
adults facilitate it properly. By leading
their children to watch informative programs, parents can get education effect
from their children. Sometimes, it is
helpful for children’s study because they can connect TV programs to their
study subject. For example, my first son
is freshman of elementary school and he is studying of math and English in his
school. So, last month I allowed him to
watch TV education programs, which name is “Math is enjoyable” and “English is
not difficult”. After watching this he
has done hard his homework in Math and English as well he has enjoyed during
watching the television programs. So I
strongly believe that parents have to use TV programs for their children’s
education.
To put this in a nutshell, although whether
in order to encourage children to study harder, parents should avoid letting
them watch television or should letting them watch television is opened to interpretation, (이 구절이 너무 난해합니다. 간결하게 줄여주세요.) it seems reasonable
to claim that parents should let them watch television because of two reasons presented
in this essay. |
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1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. 두 번째 body 문단에 homework example을 가시적인 성과가 나타날 수 있는
exam score등으로 교체하시면 좋을 거 같습니다.
3. 첫 번째 바디 문단에서
" because they can focus on something after achieving their desiring. "
에 대한 설명이 없습니다.
왜 하고싶은걸 하게 하고 나면 더 집중을 잘 할 수 있는 가에 대한 문장도
덧붙여주세요. (motivation 등)
수고하셨습니다. *^^*