▶ Your Answer : There is a controversial issue
regarding whether getting advice from friends who are older than us is more valuable
or not. After pondering upon the two possible opinions from several aspects, I
personally agree with the idea that advice from older friends is more worthy
for following two reasons. First of all, advice from older friends
is helpful for save time and energy. Specifically speaking, these advice leads
us to get a good plan so that we do not lose energy. For example, my brother
who was preparing SAT test, he had difficulty studying mathematics test. To got
a high score, he asked some advice from his older friend who had already done five
years ago. Afterwards, my brother set a great planning based on his advice and was
able to study efficiently. As a result, my brother received the highest mark on
the test, also achieved to enter the university he wanted to go. This shows
that carefully listening advice from older friends is better because we can
deal with it efficiently.
Second of all, we can figure out significant
problems through advice. This is because not only we may miss our critical
flaws but also we lose chance to fix it. For instance, my sister who is college
student asked her older friend to fix punctuations of her final essay. Since her
friend had many experiences of tutoring center, my sister could get a better
result through valuable advice from her older friends. In contrast, my friend, Lee
thought that older people had biased thinking and old ideas. So, she did not
ask for help even though she was not sure about her results. Consequently, she found
a lot of mistakes after submitting essay, it caused low mark of her academic record.
Therefore, if my friend had asked advice from older friends, she would have not encountered
such a worst situation.
In conclusion, I strongly believe
that my standpoints of the two reasons are sufficiently convincing. The first
is getting advice from friends who are older than us is instrumental because it
would prevent us from wasting time and energy. The second is asking advice will
produce better results. In this regard, getting advices from older friend is the best way to get a great result.
에세이 아주 잘 쓰셨습니다. 우선 주장도 굉장히 깔끔하고, 이에 대한 supporting detail도 아주 자세하게 설명되어 에세이의 flow가 아주 자연스럽게 흘러가고 있습니다. 어휘도 어느 어휘가 문장에 어울리는지 잘 알고 쓴 듯 문장에 잘 묻어나옵니다. 다만 어휘가 약간은 기본적이고 limited된 곳에서만 나오는 듯 하여 약간 아쉽습니다. 다음 에세이때는 어휘 위주로 공부해서 써주세요 |