▶ Your Answer :
There has been an ongoing the debate over whether people can deal
with problems on their own, so government assistance is not necessary dealing with government assistance when people face with problems. This is
an intriguing question because opinions concerning this issue can be different
relying depending on the individual perspectives. In my opinion, however, I support that
people can not cope with their issues by themselves for the following reasons.
Fist of all, it is necessary for people are received by the
government's assistance to receive assistance from government. There are severe issues that people cannot settle by
themselves. most people in the world can not by themselves without help from
others or goverment. in which people cannot settle the problems without the help from the government. in other words, people are belonginged to organization
such as the company, school, the state of Nation. when people sustain their
life, it is required conditions for people to build their own communities. for
example, when i was in university, i wanted to go to study abroad but i did not
have enough money. i asked for my counselor to consult regarding my issues and
she suggested me to either get a part time job or apply student loan. at that
time, i did not know well as to students
loan system in my university the information concerning with loan system in my university. i decided to follow the suggestion of the
counselor and i applied for students loan. in turn, i could get student loan
fee from it. through this experience, i relaized realized that i could not do by myself.
In addition, the assistance of government is necessary for people
who live in the world. as modern society is becoming has become increasingly globalized,
many people might be sufferd suffered from varied diseases such as dizziness, nausea,
and accident. When people get cough and heart disease, they should go to
hospital. Most of hospital in the world would be operated by the government. People
have to tax fee to government and they can be received by welfare. From my
experience, when I was sophomore, i was suffered from heart disease and I went
to hospital which nearby the dormitory. Because I was international students, I
could never get benefits from insurance company. Fortunately, I signed for the insurance of international students so I could get benefit partially. This
shows that the presence of the government is dispensable.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that it is definitely necessary for
people the aid of government. All things considerd considered, it is my belief that my
argument regarding this topic has been effectively and precisely delivered with
the reasons mentioned above. Never should we for get that this issue may have a
huge impact on our future. Fair: 17~23 점수: 19 일단 문법적인 오류들이 많습니다. 제가 첨삭한것을 보시고 확인 부탁드립니다. 또한 이 에세이에서 문제가 되는 것은 각 바디의 설명이 핵심내용을 빼고 얘기하는 듯한 느낌이 듭니다. 이 에세이의 주제는 정부의 도움이 필요하나 인데. 각 바디에서 정부에 도움에 대한 설명이 구체적으로 서술되어 있지 않고 그냥 기본적인 상황만 제시 한다라는 느낌이 듭니다. 따라서 좀 더 구체적으로 설명하는 것이 좋을 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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