▶ Your Answer : Some people think that teenagres get a lot of influence by their friends than anyone else. However, I contend that they are more affected by teachers and parents.
First and foremost, if teenagers have some problems it is tough to get some advices advice from their friends. This is because they are still young and do not have many experiences to give some proper advices advice to their friends. As a result, instead of getting help from their friends, it is more effective to talk with their teachers because they have ability to usher teenagers into the right directions. My personal experience can be used to prove my point. When I was young, I had some troubles with my friends. I said my situations to friends but they also could not give some answers. As a consequence, I consulted with my teacher and she gave me some proper solutions so I could reconcile with my friends. This shows that teachers could give more influence because they are mature.
Moreover, they are more affected by their parents. Parents have raised teenagers when they were babies so teenagers have spent most of their time with their parents. Accordingly, teenagers follow their parents behaviors and speaking habits. According to the survey conducted by Seoul National University, the researchers investigated teenagers' actions. Students who lived with violent parents showed agressive aggressive actions and students who lived with kind parents were tidy. This demonstrates that teenagers are more influenced by their parents than their friends.
To sum up, friends are not the most infulential influential people to teenagers rather parents and teachers are more. In this regard, I firmly believe that the given topic is not true. Good: 24~30 점수: 24 일단 전체적으로 약간의 문법적 오륟들이 있습니다. 제가 첨삭한 것을 보시고 확인 하시길 바랍니다. 약간의 문법적 오류들이 있지만 전체적인 에세이 플로우를 방해하지 않습니다. 전체적으로 구조적인 면이나 논리적인 면에 있어서, 지금 이 에세이는 잘 서술하였습니다. 각 바디의 예시들이 이유를 잘 서포트 하고 있습니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |