▶ Your Answer :
Some people
might think that most people could be happy with what they already have become happy with what they already have.
However, as far as I’m concerned, in every people’s mind, they always have at
least a bit of desire to achieve what they do not possess. There are two
compelling reasons why I hold this opinion. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, people
eventually get bored with what they have. It is very common that as soon as
people achieve something, they look for new things to achieve. According to a
survey held by the Korean government, 62 percent of families who live in an
apartment, are willing to move to a new place in the future, despite a great deal
of consideration. Many families suggested that someday they would get tired of
their current habitat, so they want to move to a place they had never lived
before. Since most people live in apartments these days, the result of the
conducted survey is definitely notable.
On top of that, most
developments are derived from absence. In other words, developments come from the
need, which comes from the lack of something. For instance, the lack of a fast
and convenient transportation had led to the invention of automobiles. If
people had a complacent attitude on moving by foot or by animals, they wouldn’t
have thought would not have thought (독립형 에세이에서는 줄인말을 서술하면 안됩니다) of inventing automobiles. Moreover, people were not even satisfied
enough with transportation on the ground, they also thought of an innovative transportation such as airplane. These remarkable development of
transportation gives a clear evidence that people have always desired, thus made
great effort to possess what they are absent of.
To sum up, ultimately,
people tend to get tired of their belongings and longing for what they haven’t
own has made the will to create something original. In this regard, I suggest
that people are incapable of being contented with their possessions.
점수: 27 약간의 문법적 오류 이외에는 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것은 설득력 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우에서는 설득력 부분에 있어서는 잘 서술하였습니다. 구체적인 이유와 적절한 예시를 통하여서 왜 사람들이 자기가 갖고 있지 않는 것을 더 원하는 지를 논리정연하게 잘 설명하고 있는 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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