▶ Your Answer : Some people shout out invention of the microwave and increasing of fast food restaurants ruin health of generations think that the development of microwave has ruined the individual's health. I disagree with those people. I think that microwaves and fast food restaurants improve our quality of life. such argument for the following two subsequent reasons.
Most importantly, people can save unnecessary time to cook To begin with, people can save time. For about million of years, people have acted on instinct. They ate when they were hungry and slept when they were worn out. However, I think people are likely to restrict their instinct nowadays restrict their instinct (본능과 주제와 무슨 연관이 있는지 모르겠습니다). They are working on science, art, social issues and so on and social issues. Thus, people have insufficient time to pursue instincts all the time. For that reason, it is necessary to find a way to reduce time fulling human's stomach. For instance, I could not help having lunch with a cup ramen due to tomorrow's exam. And for that, I could got A in history. I am not sure that the ramen helped me to got a high score, but I am sure that I could utilitize time that I collected from yesterday's lunch.to get high score (예시랑 주제와 어떠한 관련이 있는지 파악을 못하겠습니다)
Next, fast food, and food for microwave are cheap. People might think cooking in the kitchen is the cheapest way to consume food. There are some kind of junk food more expensive than cooking in resident, but if we consider the payment for labor we do, include buying ingredients to washing dishes, we can say that fast food restaurant and food for microwave are the best way financially that are more expensive. However, when we cook at home we have a lot of procedure to cook and it took a lot of money. How ever, food for microwave and fast food are cheaper than cooking. For example, ramen in Korea costs about 1.5 dollars. On the contrary In contrast, a bunch of vegetables cost about 3 dollars. Additionally, if my mom wants to cook, vegetables are not the only ingredients to prepare. She has to buy tumeric powder if to make curry, and rice for sure.
I think if people develop continuously, it is essential to contemplate the way to reduce time for consuming food. Microwaves and fast food restaurants are important to our society.
점수: 22 일단 이 에세이를 읽으면서 가장 크게 느낀것은 개연성이 많이 결여되고 있습니다. 각 단락들의 설명이나 예시를 보면 주제와 어떤 관련이 있는지 모르겠습니다. 전체적으로 연결성이 없기 때문에 이 예시가 왜 들어갔지라는 의문점도 가지게 됩니다. 따라서 에세이를 항상 서술하실 때 주제와 연관을 지으면서 적절한 예시와 이유를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |