▶ Your Answer : There are many ways to get knowledge in the world. We can read books or newspapers and participate in something. Shortly, there are two kinds of experience. One is knowledge gained from the books. The other is knowledge gained from the experience. I believe the knowledge gained from experience is more important for the following two subsequent reasons. To begin with, the knowledge from the experience and the knowledge from the books can be used once we can learn (그래서 본인의 주장이 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인가요? 경험인가요 책인가요?). For example, if we learn scientific information from books, we could use them when we work on our report, or we talk to someone. If we learn how to make friends from the experience, we can use it at any time. As a result, both the knowledge can be used in useful ways. However, the knowledge from the book is a kind of indirect thing. In other words, we can accept the knowledge by only watching it. It is not that vivid knowledge, and we cannot remember it longer. For example, we usually study by reading books when we prepare the test or something but knowledge gained from the books are forgotten in our memory. In contrast, knowledge gained from the experience is a direct thing because we can get the knowledge by feeling and watching it. Thus, for this reason, knowledge from the experience endure endures (knowledge는 단수 주어 입니다) longer than knowledge gained from the books. For instance, if we get some lessons after we failed, we will not make same mistakes because the knowledge gained from the experience is left in our memory.
As I said before, we can get knowledge by reading books or experiencing in person. Both the knowledge are really important for making who we are. However, I think knowledge gained from the experience is more important because that knowledge can last longer, and we can remember well.
점수: 18 일단 지금 이 에세이를 읽으면서 느낀것은 전체적으로 너무 모호합니다. 각 단락들을 통하여서 경험을 통해서 배우는 정보가 중요한 것인지 책이 중요한것인지 명확하게 뭐가 났는지 구체적으로 드러나지 않습니다. 단락들의 설명이 모호하다 보니까 전반적으로 이 에세이를 통해서 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이에서 필요한 것은 좀 더 구체적이고 명확하게 본인의 주장을 나타내길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |