▶ Your Answer :
There are many subjects that secondary school has to teach their students for their successful life in the future. Some people think that students have to learn only mathematics or science which are helpful for them to enter university. However, in my opinion, all students should be required to study art and music for the following subsequent reasons.
To begin with, students can learn a the way to share their emotion with others which is the most crucial part of socialization through art and music class. They are taught how to appreciate the art works by inferring the author's purpose of work and learning the details the artist makes use of. For instance, according to the recent study conducted by Harvard University, the ability to socialize with others is determined at people's teenage years and over eighty percent of students who are satisfied with their surroundings and acquaintances responded that they have participated in art and music class in secondary school whereas most of people who are inclined to behave independently and has fewer friend mentioned that they have not attended artistic classes in their life. On top of that, It will be very helpful for students to learn how to appreciate art work meticulously since many art works play an important role in expressing public voice to the authorities to take actions for making better society. My visiting to art gallery for my university assignment is the example of this. When my group saw the painting with black circle on the center without any background, most of us did not have any clue what this means while I could figure out what meaning this work has and the artist's tendency to focus on social issues about gap between the wealth and the poor. I could realize this because I already learned about famous artist and its works and the styles used to express the opinion.
To sum up, it would be mandatory for all students to take part in artistic classes in secondary school. This is because students can learn the methods to emphasize with others helpful for their social behavior and it is conducive to understand social issues since many art works indicate many social issues.
아주 잘 쓰셨습니다. 어휘도 어느 어휘를 써야 문장에 잘 fit할지 아주 잘 알고 작성하신 듯 합니다. 또, 문법 오류는 거의 없는 편이며 문장들도 아주 깔끔하니 정리가 잘 되어 읽기에 아주 좋았습니다. 주장이 매우 깔끔하며 이에 대한 supporting detail도 자세하게 쓰여 있어 좋았습니다. 이대로만 쓰시면 아주 높은 고득점 가능하실 것 같습니다.
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