▶ Your Answer :
Some people might say that printed material
is more useful than using the internet for doing research. However, in my
opinion, utilizing the internet is a much better way to do research for the
following subsequent reasons.
To begin with, in a certain period of time,
the amount of knowledge that people can access through the internet is
overwhelmingly more than it through printed material. Since every single person
can be a producer of the information, people can gain a lot of knowledge
through the internet in a pretty short period of time (앞 문장과 반복되어서 서술된거 같습니다 좀 더 다르게 표현 하는 것이 좋을 거 같습니다). Books or article, on the
other hand, has limited producers in a single printed material. So if people
want to find more information, they should find more books or article. For instance, when I was a university
student, I did research about companies' marketing strategy for my assignment.
At first, I was doing did it with some books and I got only five examples of
companies' strategies in four hours. But I had to find at least twenty examples
of those so I decided to change my researching method to use the internet. And
I can truly tell you that this was a very wise decision. As soon as I started
to use the internet, I could get ten examples of companies just in thirty
minutes and within an hour I finished my assignment.
On top of that, unlike printed material,
the internet has videos which are extremely helpful for learning things
quickly to learn quickly. There is no better way for people to understand things well than
actually seeing and hearing what really happened. For example, a study was conducted by the
ministry of education to determine whether watching video could affect a
student's understanding of one subject. There were two groups monitored. The
first group was formed of people who were given some reading materials and the
other group was consisted of people who were shown a video about the content
first and then given some article. After giving some questions about the
subject to them, the researchers concluded that the second group was much more
understanding about the overall meanings of the subject. This study
demonstrates that for knowing things better, watching some videos would be
helpful.
To sum up, through the internet, people can
access not only a plenty of information but also some videos as well. In this
regard, I think utilizing the internet would be a better choice.
점수: 23 두 가지 부분에 있어서 오류가 있습니다. 먼저 첫 번째는 불필요한 부연설명이 많습니다. 특히 이러한 부분들은 첫 번째 단락에서 많이 보여집니다. 불필요한 부연설명을 넣는 것 보다는 간결하게 하고자 하는 말만 하는 것이 좋을 거 같습니다. 두 번째 오류는 두 번째 단락 예시가 주제를 벗어났습니다. 이 에세이는 인터넷과 책을 비교하는 것이지 책과 영상을 보는 것과 비교하는 것이 아닙니다. 주제에 초점을 더 주시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |