■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : Colleges and universities must do a better job preparing students for their workplace. Agree or Disagree |
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Some
people might argue that colleges and universities don’t do not (독립형 에세이에서는 줄인말을 서술하면 안됩니다) need to help job preparing
students for their workplace students preparing for the future job. However, in my opinion, colleges and universities
must do a better job preparing students for their workplace. There are two reasons
why I think this way. First, colleges and universities have a lot of resources which
can help students get a job. Second, students can save money and time to prepare for the following two subsequent reasons (이미 밑 단락에서 이유를 설명할 것이기 때문에 인트로에서 장황하게 서술할 필요가 없습니다).
First of all, colleges and
universities can help students efficiently, because they have many know-hows (단락 첫 번째 부분에서는 간결하게 이유만 언급하시길 바랍니다). Nowadays,
it is harder and harder to get a job for students. Suppose that universities
and colleges only pursue achievements of studying. Would it be possible for
students to enter a company that they want to go without any help of school? I think
it is highly doubtful (일단 독립형 에세이에서는 의문형 문장들은 되도록이면 피하시길 바랍니다). Colleges and universities have a variety of experiences
and information that can be useful for students useful for students in the future. For example, I know some senior
students in my university who got through a stressful time because of finding job in finding a job.
They tried to find work, but it was not easy. If the university had not helped
them, they could not find a job (뭔가 개연성 없이 아무 중간 내용없이 상황 설명이 나오는 거 같습니다). The university gave them a lot of information
and introduced them good companies to work. Thus, it is necessary that
university support students for getting a job using their knowledge.
Also, time and money can
be saved if universities and colleges help students. It needs lots of money and
time to prepare for job searching. Students should get certifications and make
experience like internship. Therefore, they have to spend much money and time. If
university support supports them, there will be less burden. For instance, my sister could
get a job without high cost, because her university helped her. The university offered
her an internship and scholarship, so she could focus on her job searching, finally
she entered a company she wants to go. As we can see, students can get a job
easily if universities and colleges support them to save money and time.
In brief, students need to be supported from their universities
and colleges. If they do so, students will not be afraid of getting a job anymore.
In this regard, I firmly believe that colleges and universities do a better job
preparing students for their workplace.
점수: 23 일단 숙지해야할 부분들이 몇 군데 가 있습니다. 독립형 에세이에서는 줄인말을 서술하지 마시길 바랍니다. 또한 첫 번째 단락 같은 경우에서는 예시에 대한 설명을 할 때 개연성을 좀 더 주시길 바랍니다. 중간 내용을 생략하고 결과를 보여주는 것 보다는 과정을 설명하면서 이러한 결과가 초래했다라고 서술하는 것이 좋을 거 같습니다. 두 번째 단락 같은 경우는 불필요한 부연설명이 많습니다. 이러한 설명들을 피하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |
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