▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, work place plays a significant
role in people’s daily lives in many of the places where they work or play. Some
people think that it is better to work for a business owned by someone they do
not know than to work for a business owned by their family while others do not think differently.
Both sides may have their own reasons to support theirs view. If I were asked
to choose one, I would say that working with family members has more merits
than doing work with someone people do not know. There are several reasons as follows. for the following subsequent reason.
To begin with, when people do work with
family members, it will help them improve their working performance. Working with
family members is directly related to their personal and family’s income. So they
tend to be diligent, passionate, and self-disciplined. For example, my youngest
brother did poorly in his cafetefia part-time job which owned by university he
studied. He distracted easily, procrastinated, and acted on impulse. However, he
has changed little by little after he started working in my father’s company.
He realized that his active participation helped him work well with family
members, while his laziness could negatively affect everyone. He knew that his mistakes
led to increasing my mother’s stress because she was in charge of my brother’s work
such as releasing new products. Naturally, he did the best for his mother and
started to maintain a good behavior by focusing on his work all the day. Also,
he realized that when he made a nice profit, his salary increased drastically. My
parents gave him more money than any other employees because they tied up each
other as family members. So he was able to receive the highest salary in my
father’s company. If he had continued to work in university’s cafeteria, he would
not have been got such high salary.
All things considered, I strongly believe
that the advantages of working with family members far outweigh those of doing
work with unknown somebody for the reasons I have mentioned above. Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 일단 이 에세이의 문제점은 하나의 단락에 너무나 많은 정보를 전달하려고 하는 거 같습니다. 한 단락에서 하고자 하는 말이 무엇인지는 알겠스나 이러한 장황한 부분은 에세이로 하여금 플로우를 방해합니다. 또한 독립형 에세이에서는 두 가지 이유로 간단 명료하게 자신의 의견을 전달하는 것이 가장 좋습니다. 이 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술해주시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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