▶ Your Answer : Some people might say that people can cope with problems on their own because each person is a rational one. However, in my opinion, government aid should be placed on the problems in the contemporary society. I'll give two reasons supporting my argument. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, there are problems that can't be solved properly if the government do not anything some problems cannot be solved without government assistance. The environmental issues are a good example of this. Even if the environment doesn't belong to anyone, everybody uses it like inhaling air or climbing the mountains (이 부분이 나온 이유가 무엇인가요? 명확한 설명이 필요해 보입니다). Therefore, we tend not to feel any responsibility that we take care of the environment and gradually neglect the importance of it. we gradually lose our precious asset at last. The long and short of it is that the resources that are precious but anybody don't have responsibility for should be handled by government aid. There was a survey conducted by a group of professors majoring in Environmental Science, with 50 countries as the specimen. The purpose of the survey was to figure out how much effect government aid affects each country's environment. They track 10 years to meet their objective. After finishing research, what they found was extremely intriguing. The countries that didn't concentrate on their resources by using the government's support totally lost it.
On top of that, there is the enormous conflict of interest in the contemporary society. Each person has its own problem and they tend to struggle to resolve only their own problem. It is the natural inclination because their time and money are limited. The problem is that there are significant possibilities that their interest makes conflict. Let me explain my view on this. I'll take my personal experience as an example to clarify what I mean. Last year, there was a big issue in our town. The gist was that we had to select the suitable places for the facility that is subject to the disabled. The places were indispensable ones for us but all most all resident objected government's decision and even marched. They seemed to worry about plunging their cost of the house because of abominating those facilities. Then, the government passed the law and then strictly proceed the problems. Had it not been for the intervene of government, it would not be able to resolve the issues till now.
Taking being problems that can not be resolved by people and being lots of possibilities that people's interest are conflicted into consideration, I hold to my tenet that government aid should be placed on the problems in the world.
good: 24~30 점수: 24 일단 이 에세이에서 고쳐져야할 문제점은 개연성이 없는 문장들의 출현입니다. 갑작스럽게 아무 연관이 없는 문장들이 각 단락에서 등장하곤 합니다. 이러한 부부들은 에세이로 하여금 전체적으로 설득력을 줄어드리게 만들기 때문에 주의하시길 바랍니다. 이러한 부분 이외에는 크게 문제가 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 따라서 개연성 없는 문장들을 줄일 수 있도록 노력하는 것이 지금 이 에세이에서는 가장 필요해 보입니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |