▶ Your Answer : There is a famous Korean saying"The foot of the candle is dark". In other words, things that you really require for is always near to you (전혀 필요가 없는 정보인거 같습니다). Some might think that airplanes are more effective than cars as they make a country be available to trade and experience various cultures from foriegn nations. However, I agree that cars have made a greater impact on society than airplanes for the following reasons: economy and enviromental situation. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, cars are thought to be the causes of the country's development. For example, my country, Korea which is well-known for manufacturing cars very well is able to develop rapidly due to the assert from selling cars that is being called "Hyundae". To be specific, my country Korea got money through smooth export of cars and this lead Korea to study and advance step by step. Beside only selling these vehicles, getting the knowledge about the use of steel or metal and more jobs of making structures of cars also helped in the refinement of Korea's economic situation. This suggest that cars affected more to a country than airplanes economically. Furthermore, cars are responsible for environment being polluted. Specifically, cars fume out exhaust gas to pollute the air. Actually, cars are not only influencing to one nation. All countries are getting pains from the pollution of the air. The ozone layer which protects our earth being too hot from sunshine is being destroyed these days and many problems are appeared. For example, the sun light straight too strongly toward the ground. As the earth become hotter, polar bears' house referring to ice is being destroyed and melted. Due to the occurrence of several strange environmental situations, there is also extinction of the species. This demonstrates that cars have an effect much more seriously compared to airplanes. To sum up, cars led to the development of the specific country and also influenced largely to the negative result and the pollution related to the enviroment. In this regard, I strongly assert tnat cars have made a greater impact on society than airplanes.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 22 일단 철자적 오류들이 많습니다. 철자적 오류들을 피하기 위해서는 가장 먼저 해야 하는 것은 에세이를 다 서술하시고 난 후에 proofreading을 꼭 하시길 바랍니다. proofreading을 하다보면 자신이 어디서 문법적으로 오류가 있는 지를 알 수 있고 고칠 수 있게 됩니다. 지금 이 에세이에서는 이러한 철자적 오류들을 먼저 고치는 것이 가장 중요한 거 같습니다. 이 부분 이외에는 크게 문제가 되지 않는 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |