Some people might think that the university should spend as much money on libraries. They probably think that a university is a place for students to study. However, In my opinion, the university also should spend to make other sports facility for students. This is because most of the students only concentrated on their study, not on their health. invest money on sports facilities for the following two subsequent reasons. To begin with, a sports facility can promote physical health to the students. Because nowadays there are lots of people who think that exercise is not as substantial as a study. as students study too hard they do not have enough time to stay healthy. This can cause people to become fat or other types of diseases. So one university makes an excellent idea for students. To be specific, a TV program made by in Seoul university shows that they promote students to become interested in their health. So the university held a sports day for students to enjoy the freedom and release their stress. Some students in the university as opposed to that sports day because it can influence their academic score. However, the sports day was completed to succeed and in the interview, lots of students commented that they want to take care of their health. After this Tv program release, lots of universities mimic their sports day. Also, this sports day lead to compete with other university and naturally become a festival for students. Also, students who were disagreed with making the sports day also support it.
On the top of that, sports facility also can encourage students to interact with each other. If students are preparing for their sports day, they should meet and discuss how to win that game. So this situation can promote student’s health and make students practice and hang out together simultaneously. For example, I was a team on the baseball team and lots of other students also attend to practice for the game. Therefore while we were preparing for the sports day, we have a chance to have a new group of friend. When preparing the festival, we sometimes have some trouble to enhance our baseball skill. However, we quickly solve that minimal problem and concentrated with the game. After the game was over, we also celebrated our team become forever and go out to eat and drink together. After experienced this game, we realized that sports day is a way to make new friends.
To sum up, athletics promote physical health and create opportunities for making interaction among students. In this regard, I think that universities should provide much funding for students' sports activities as they do for their libraries.
Good: 24~30 점수; 25 일단 장황하게 설명이 되어 있다라는 느낌을 주는 부분이 많이 보입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것 중에 하나는 얼마나 간결하게 자신의 의견을 잘 전달할 수 있냐 입니다. 이러한 면에 있어서 지금 이 에세이는 문제가 있는 거 같습니다. 간단 명료하게 자신이 무엇을 얘기를 할 지를 가장 먼저 보여주는 것이 독립형 에세이에서 좋은 점수를 받는데에 있어 더 효과적인 거 같습니다. 이러한 부분을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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