■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : "When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success." Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? |
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▶ Your Answer : If we think about the success, we usually consider hard work as the main factor of the success. Of course, it is really important to work hard. However, I believe luck has something to do with success. In other words, if there is no luck, we could hardly succeed. In my opinion, I disagree with the above statement. When we hear about other's success, we only think about their hard work. However, there must be luck in their success. The luck I said earlier is timing. The timing is something that we cannot control, so it only depends on luck. Let me explain my mother's case. A few years ago, my mother opened a restaurant in the town. However, the problem was that in the town, there were a lot of restaurants which were similar to her restaurant, so at first my mother's restaurant didn't make a lot of money. Original customers used to eat in other restaurants. Despite the difficulty, my mother was trying to develop new dishes and continued to do so. Astoundingly, the luck happened to her. A few restaurants which were nearby mother's one suddenly closed for personal reasons. As a result, many people visited her restaurant and enjoyed foods. Although it is true my mother worked hard for success, if it had not been for luck to her, she could not have succeeded. In this regard, I want to highlight the importance of luck, timing and it is logical to say that the luck plays an important role in the success Hard working is the factor that we cannot neglect in the success. However, with the hard work and the luck, the possibility of the success increases a lot more than when we only work hard. Hence, the luck has something to do with the success which we cannot control by ourselves.
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점수: 24/30
1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. 문법에서는 관사와 품사에 주의해주세요.
3. 토플 에세이의 기본적인 구성은 서론 - 본론 1 - 본론 2 - 결론입니다.
그런데 지금 본론 2가 빠져있는 것을 확인하실 수 있습니다.
다른 reason 하나를 더 써주시면 구조상으로 더 보기 좋은 에세이가 될 듯합니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*