■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. |
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▶ Your Answer : Undoubtedly, movies and television play significant roles in young people's lives in many of the places where they study and play. Some people might say that movies and televisions have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave, while others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. However, in my opinion, young people can benefit more from movies and televisions because they are effective learning tools.
First and foremost, unlike a book, movies and televisions involve visual and audio sources, which are much more effective to convey ideas. In a sense, it is true that nowadays TV shows and movies include many violent scene and unnecessary advertisement. However, when such tools are well used with a guidance of their parents or teachers, young people can easily learn not only a wide range of knowledge, but also valuable life lessons. In this way, young people can break bad habits and perform better at their school. For example, my youngest brother did poorly in his preschool. He was not motivated to learn and easily distracted. However, he changed little by little, after my parents started to use media sources as an educational tool. By watching one movie about a young talented boy who is good at math, my brother tried to imitate him and started to put in more effort to solve math problems. Moreover, he would make sure to turn off all the electricity in the house when it was not being used, and he also started taking more care of the environment. This all happened after watching one TV documentary show about how the polar bears suffer from the global warming effect. Without the help of lessons from TV and movies, it would have been hard to fix his attitude.
To sum up, the advantages of watching movies and TV far outweigh the disadvantages, because they are effective methods to teach young people.
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점수: 24/30
1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. conclusion의 분량을 3문장 이상으로 늘려주세요.
3. 토플 에세이의 기본적인 구성은 서론 - 본론 1 - 본론 2 - 결론입니다.
그런데 지금 본론 2가 빠져있는 것을 확인하실 수 있습니다.
다른 reason 하나를 더 써주시면 구조상으로 더 보기 좋은 에세이가 될 듯합니다.
4. 문법에서는 주어 동사 일치, 단수 복수 등에 주의해주세요~!
5. 남동생 example을 잘 쓰셨습니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*