▶ Your Answer :
First of all, Television advertisements is
are not educated educative for young children. To be specific, television advertisements usually
have stimulus because they want to show their product’s advantages to sell their
products for people. So, they contain the incendiary scenes and sentences, which
as a result allows children to learn about inappropriate acts and words.
Second, television advertisements do not tell
what is safe and what is allowed activities. As I mentioned above, advertisements aim
is to sell their products, therefore advertisement producer made the
advertisements with excessive movements. But children did not know whether it
is dangerous or not, so they often imitate the violent behavior.
For example, when my nephew john was 4
years old, he was badly hurt, because he had imitated to television
advertisement’s activities. After that, my sister who is the john’s mother
banned television watching without her.
제가 서론 결론은 어느정도 템플릿에 맞춰 쓰게 된거 같은데 본론은 템플릿에 맞춰쓰는것이랑 전개가 어려워서 일단 템플릿과 상관없이 전개해서 본론만 써봤습니다 ㅜ 도움 부탁드릴게요...!감사합니다!!!
예상 점수: 14-17 총평: 서론, 결론 제외하고 본론만 평가해도 글에 문제가 많습니다. 우선 내용적으로 봤을 때 훨씬 더 구체적이고 디테일한 설명들이 글에 필요합니다. 일단 본론에 내용은 적합하지만 조금 더 내용의 전개가 필요합니다. 문법적으로 advertisements가 복수기 때문에 뒤에 복수 are이 와야하며 형용사도 educative가 되어야 맞습니다. 또한 접속사 앞뒤로 절은 형태가 동일해야 하므로 what is가 되어야 합니다. 전체적으로 글의 분량도 늘리실 필요가 있습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다. |