▶ Your Answer :
Today, due to the increase of the free time
that individuals can spend, people are more possible to have time with their friends
than in the past. Some people insist that spending time with large numbers of friends
are better than spending time with fewer friends. However, my assertion is that
time with one or two are better for the following reasons. spending time with few friend is better for the following two subsequent reasons.
To spend time with one or two friends are better
than to spend time with larger friends because it provokes more emotionally closer
relationship. A little number of peers sympathize individuals more efficiently
than those with large numbers. According to a recent research conducted in
Seoul National University in 2017, several of psycologists had succeeded in proving
that spending time with minor people leads to feel emotionally closer than
spending time with myriad people by dividing volunteers into two groups. Those
in group A were isolated in a room with 2 or 3 people with them, whereas those
in group B were isolated in a room with 10 or more people for 2 hours. After
the experiment was over, those in group A possessed closer relationship with
those who were isolated with each other, however those in group B possessed awkwardness
after the experiment. It was because those in group A were able to spend more time
communicating each other, within able to sympathize to each other more and have
emotionally closer.
On top of that, spending time with a few
people costs less than spending time with massive people. Because individuals
need to spend time with more people, they need to buy more objects to serve
them. For instance, from my personal experience, when I needed to spend time
with the company’s peers, which is more than 15 people, I needed to spend a lot
of money because of the amount we ate or drink. However, when I have time with
just my best friends, which is 2 or sometimes 3, it only cost the amount of 2
or 3 people.
To sum up, between having time with many
people or not, I personally prefer spending time with small amount of people
because it derives more closer relationship and spends less money compared to the
time with majority.
점수: 23 일단 에세이를 서술할 때 참고해야하는 것은 각 단락의 균형을 맞추시길 바랍니다. 지금 이 에세이를 보면 첫 번째 단락은 긴데 두 번째 단락 같은 경우는 짧습니다. 좀 더 균형에 맞게 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 첫 번째 단락 같은 경우는 너무 장황합니다. 에세이가 장황하다 보니 무엇을 전달하려고 하는 것인지 파악이 되지 않습니다. 좀 더 에세이를 간결하고 논리정연하게 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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