▶ Your Answer :
Although people may hold different ideas
and opinions, I personally think that a large shopping center being built in my
neighborhood would have more negative sides then positive. I oppose to the plan
because of the harmful environment it would bring, and because of the financial
issues it might bring. for the following two subsequent reasons (이미 밑에서 이유들을 서술할 것이기 때문에 굳이 인트로에서 장황하게 서술할 필요가 없습니다)
It may seem that having a shopping center in
the neighborhood might make the neighborhood a lot better to live, however the large
masses of people that the shopping center brings would harm the living environment
of the neighborhood To begin with, newly built shopping center brings about harmful impact on the living environment. The ideal neighborhood that I have in mind is a quiet,
peaceful, and clean environment. However, when a shopping center attracts big masses
of people lots of people all of the factors that I think is needed would be put into harm. would be destroyed For
example, when there was a big restaurant built in my neighborhood it attracted a
lot of people and ended up polluting the nearby area. Also, it made the streets
a lot more noisy even in the night time more noisy even during night time. I would much rather like to keep my neighborhood
be quiet and peaceful than having a shopping center nearby.
Also, as far as financial issues are
concerned, it is never good to have a shopping center nearby Furthermore, financial issues are concerned. As a college student
I am always on a tight budget and can’t afford to spend my money before giving
it a second thought. If there is a shopping center built in my neighborhood it is
likely that I would be lured into spending a lot of money on short thoughts I would be lured to spend a plethora of money. When
I was in high school, there was a very fancy bakery on my way to school. Every time
I passed by it was hard to keep my money in my pocket. Having a shopping center
built in my neighborhood might be convenient, but from a financial perspective it
might be a worst-case scenario.
Hence, even thought a shopping center being
built in my neighborhood might bring a lot of benefits, due to the harmful environment
and financial issues it might bring I strongly oppose to the plan pessimistic impact on the society. It would be wise
for people with a similar case to take the two points I mentioned into
consideration and prevent their neighborhood from being harmed.
점수: 22 전반적으로 어색한 표현들이 많은 독립형 에세이입니다. 어색한 표현들이 많다 보면 전반적인 에세이 플로우가 방해를 받게 됩니다. 에세이 플로우가 방해를 받게 되면 원레 전달하려고 햇던 의미들이 변질되게 됩니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이에서 필요한 것은 제가 지적한 부분을 숙지하시길 바랍니다. 또한 이유 부분은 항상 간결하게 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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