▶ Your Answer :
A university degree is an important life
milestone for many people. To get this honor, many people spend a lot of money
and time. However, I believe, in terms of success in life, getting a university
education is not necessary. The reasoning behind this is that its opportunity
costs is so high, and that there are too many degrees in the society. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, a university education yields
tremendous opportunity cost. Early twenty is very important period in people’s
lives. During this brightening moment, people’s thinking and goal are hugely
affected. The problem in the university education is we need spend too much
time without any compensation have to spend time a lot (동사가 두 개 입니다). Meanwhile, the people who worked instead of
being educated can stabilize their financial status. This gap can be filled only
when the people who have a university degree earn more salary after graduation,
which actually needs quite painful efforts. Take my friends’ case for example,
he did not go to university after graduate graduating high school. Instead he chose to operate
a small business. He went to streets and sold cell phones. During the same time,
now I am only spending money for my school registration. I heard that he made
already a lot of money and I do not feel like to catch him up in the future. I
think this example shows a university education is not necessary for success in
life, because my friend already successful financially without university
degree and if I worked during my university education time, I would be successful
like him.
Second, there are too many degrees nowadays,
which degrade their unique value. Long time ago, university degree was quite
sparse to find. However, as economy and social atmosphere change, universities
factorize tons of degrees every year. Nothing can be free from the rule of
supply and demand. Demands for job positions which needs a university degree are
fixed, while there are thousands unemployed bachelors hang around the street,
seeking for limited job opportunities. To success succeed (succeed가 동사 입니다) in the market, important
thing is to gain the specialty and experience that distinct ourselves from others,
not a piece of degree paper. For example, a famous comedian in the United States
of the America delivered very sarcastic speech in a graduation ceremony. He
said that ‘You achieved something very special that only 98% of American can
have. I mean, above 2% of losers such as Steve Jobs or Bill Gates. ‘. I believe
this humorous speech shows how unimportant a degree is nowadays.
To sum up, I am convinced that a university
education is not needed to be successful in our lives to become successful because we can not make
money during the period, and because it is not valuable as before. Consequently,
the importance of my view cannot be underestimated for the reasons I have
mentioned above.
점수: 22 일단 지금 이 에세이를 읽으면서 느낀 것은 전체적으로 에세이가 장황하다라는 것 입니다. 장황하다고 느껴지는 가장 큰 결정적인 요인은 전반적으로 불필요한 부연설명들이 많습니다. 이러한 불필요한 부연설명들은 에세이로 하여금 본레 전달하려고 했던 의미들이 변질 되게 하기 때문에 제가 지적한 부분을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |