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┼ ▨ #95.....investing outer space~~!! - kim ┼
│ #95. Some people think governments should spend as much money as possible exploring outer space (for example, traveling to the moon and to other planets). Other people disagree and think governments should spend this money for our basic needs on earth. Which of these tow opinions do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
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│ Nowadays most of governments competitively invest money to(on) exploring outer space. Sometimes those trials(이런 재판들이여?) look very profitable and attractive. However, pouring their excessive budget to unknown space causes negative consequences, such as bankrupcy and negligence to basic needs.
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│ First reason is that a outer place is unknown yet(yet unknown). Comparing Samsung electronics and Hyundai group is a appropriate example of this. Just after the IMF situation in Korea (overall financial danger in 1997), Hyundai invested their money in(on) developing North Korea. If they succeeded it, it would deserve and would be extremely profitable, however, it was a risky investment in(at) the same time. While Hyundai group invested dynamically, Samsung invested on more secure business. As a result, Hyundai is(faced) bankrupt while Samsung was developed remarkably in the same period.
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│ Second, investing to cosmos causes a serious negligence to basic social issues. Basically, serving a(필요 없음) various careful services, for example, (run-on sentence)welfare and education is(are) basic roles of a government.(awkward) But, if they irresponsibly concentrate on pouring money to outer space, they cannot use money in order to solve essential problems.(awkward) This is why I object to this idea. (say this in conclusion)
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│ In essence, excessive investing to outer space is a dangerous idea. I strongly object putting enormous budget to uncertain cosmos because it causes a serious financial difficulty and ignorance to a inner voice from a society.(good, a society-->society)
잘 쓰셨구여, 이거읽으면 스끼전에 계획하시고 쓰신거 같네여. idea는 아주 좋은데여 이해가 안가는게 조금 만이 있네여. 그리고 설명을 더 자세히 하세여. 이 2개 고치면 5점대 진입 가능할거 같네여. 도움 되시길!!
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