================================
┼ ▨ jupiter 토플님 제꺼점 봐주세요~ 아님 다른분도 - 토플광 ┼
│ 굉장히 오랜만에 쓰는 느낌이네요... 잘점 봐주세요~~~
│
│ 주제: A Person's childhood years are the most important years of a person's life. agree
│ or disagree?
│
│ 첨삭과 지도 부탁드립니다.
│
│
│
│ There is no one in the world who doesn't go through the childhood. Therefore, most
│ of us are aware of that it is very important time. And i believe it is the most important
│ time of our lives. The reasons for that is because we are most capable of learning during
│ this time, we plan for our future and get through a lot of changes.
│ Many adults advice us to learn when our brain functions best. For example, i remember
│ the time when my uncle used to tell me of his childhood. He was always very naughty
│ and rebellious toward his parents, which in turn, of course, didn't led him to study.
│ Nowadays, he regrets for not listening to his parents because he is working as a garbage
│ man.
│ It is also a time to prepare for our future career. Some might step into a wrong path
│ that leads to a serious trouble such as taking in drugs and alcohol. As a result, to keep
│ their habit, they steal money and kill people. In many cases, it is already too late for them
│ to get back to so-called "normal life".
│ We make changes both mentally and physically during our puberty. Youths tend to
│ get rebellious toward their parents and teachers during this time. If their temper are not
│ under control, some students could fall into troubles afore mentioned. That is why, adults
│ should give them advice and loving care out of ture concern.
│ As we have seen, childhood is truly the most important period we have to pass.
│ It is the time when we think about our future career and get through puberty. They
│ develope emotially and physically which will play critical role when they live in the
│ society. Therefore, to live happier life in the future, youths must start preparing for it
│ in their age.
│
│ 뻥이 좀 들어갔구요~~~ ㅋㅋㅋ 첨삭점 충고와 첨삭점 해주세요.
│
│
│
┼ ┼
음...토플광님...에세이 쓰시느라고 고생하셨는데요..좀 내용이 넘...빈약하네요..문맥도 그렇고..우선..문법도 그렇지만..철자 부터 시작해서..복수,.단수...음..아시죠..저도..잘하는 편이 아니라서 정확히는 못 짚어드리지만..틀린거 좀 알려 드릴께요..^^;;
There is no one in the world who doesn't go through the childhood. Therefore, most
of us are aware of that it is very important time. And i believe it is the most important
time of our lives. The reasons for that is(are) because we are most capable of learning during
this time, we plan for our future and get through a lot of changes.
Many adults advice us to learn when our brain functions best. For example, i remember
the time when my uncle used to tell me of(없애주세요^^) his childhood. He was always very naughty
and rebellious toward his parents, which in turn, of course, didn't led him to study.
Nowadays, he regrets for not listening to his parents because he is working as a garbage
man. =>이문장은 이게 얼떨지 he is regretting no to listen his......이렇게요.^^
It is also a time to prepare for our future career. Some might step into a wrong path
that leads to a serious trouble such as taking in drugs and alcohol. As a result, to keep
their habit=> 이문장도 이게 얼떨지 As a result of keeping their habit, they steal money and kill people. In many cases, it is already too late for them
to get back to so-called "normal life".
We make changes(=>change) both mentally and physically during our puberty. Youths tend to
get rebellious toward their parents and teachers during this time. If their temper are not
under control, some students could fall into troubles afore(=>after) mentioned. That is why, adults
should give them advice(=>advices) and loving care out of ture concern=>(true concerns).
As we have seen, childhood(=> A childhood) is truly the most important period we have to pass (by ourselves)=>이렇게 써주면 어떨까요^^.
It is the time when we think about our future career and get through puberty. They
develope emotially and physically which will play critical role when they live in the
society=> 이문장은 님께서 다시한번 생각하셔야 할듯하군요.. Therefore, to live happier life in the future, youths must start preparing for it
in their age.